In my humble opinion, who gives a shit what anyone else says? Honestly, as I read these posts in your journal, and being familiar with your previous journal, it just seems to me like too much emphasis is being placed on your feelings. We of course know that much of trading is psychological, but the end goal of the continued journey is for psychology to not be a factor in your decisions. When you're writing so much about how you feel, and where these feelings come from, etc., it seems to me that you're focusing on the wrong thing. You're absolutely right that you're probably affected by trading for this prop firm. To focus on the right thing would be to take a trade and exit that trade, and then journal if the trade was according to plan. Even if the trade wasn't according to plan, perhaps you saw something that made you exit, and this can be fine as well, as long as its something from the market. There is a huge amount of intuition I believe that makes sense to act on when you've watched the markets live for thousands of hours. On the flip side, you can also follow a strict plan of trade hits either the profit target or stop, and then you move onto the next trade. But this of course all comes down to your plan, which nobody here knows, and hence nobody can comment on. With you talking about nothing but how you feel, you're putting all your effort and emphasis in the wrong place. Experienced traders, even though they still have feelings, push them away. Even if a trade is entered or exited based on feelings, its just one stupid trade and they move on. If they stop trading for the day because of this, then its the feeling that wins out, which is a bad thing of course. It is my opinion, and it means absolutely nothing, that you're not quite ready to be doing this. As you pointed out, you may not be using your own money, but this leads to even more pressure to do well. You've already said that your hands were shaking, you're asking for affirmation from others, and there are other clues in what you say that you're in no way detached psychologically from your trades. If you were flipping coins, I don't think you'd have a journal about how you feel before each flip, and this is exactly the state of mind you need to be in. Hence, having a journal about how you feel is exactly why it seems to me that you're not yet on the right track. All that matters is the trade. Why not journal the trades you take, entry + exit, or whatever parameters you want to share, and this will then help you focus on taking power away from those feelings and put the emphasis on the numbers and stats.
There's an advantage to trading with other traders in person... They can see trading behaviours & routines that you do in which we online folks are clueless about. In fact, what others see about your trading via watching you in person while you trade in your trading environment gives you a different type of stress (good & bad) that's different than talking to people online about your trading. I believe that's why their opinions & perspective about you causes an emotional stir especially when their discussions with you occur during your trading day in comparison to similar discussions "after" your trading day has concluded prior to you going back home just like any other job. Yeah, I've been there before as in traded with other traders in person but not via prop firm. It was just a group of us that decided to rent an office space (warehouse apartment) and convert it into a place to setup our workstations to trade together. Their opinions or views were more important and had more impact on me psychologically than those I've met online years later. In fact, I miss that in person interaction that soon (late this year) I'll be leaving my home office and returning back to the commerical office trading environment with other traders for that realism that I had when I first became a trader. Thus, I wouldn't worry to much about what others online think about your trading because they only have a piece of the puzzle while those that you trade with in person have a much larger view about what's going on with you while you trade and via in person conversations with you in your actual trading environment. An analogy is like talking to my family via the telephone versus talking to them in person where I can actually see their body language, gestures and their reactions with others nearby... I recently realized what I missed in my trading and it was that in person trading environment I once had with other traders early in my trading career. This realization didn't occur on my own...it occurred after many sessions with my psycho-therapist that I work with 2x per week now as part of my ongoing recovery from a life/death illness the fall of 2016. So yeah, been there before and later this year will get back into that type of trading environment. Yet, it would be interesting to hear about your views & perspective about those traders you're working with involving how it may be impacting your own trading. wrbtrader
June 22 - 2018 I haven't read the replies yet, but thanks! I wanted to post this first with a clear head. I started explaining some of what I was feeling to my wife last night... and holy smokes, she pulled a total "Wendy Rhoades" on me. It really helped me get my head on straight. Points are: 1) You are dishonoring God and yourself by giving somebody else or something the power over you. You need to apologize and ask for forgiveness and then change. 2) You are letting that little child act out, and that isn't who you are now!... so listen to him, but explain that this isn't needed anymore and he needs to grow up. I listened, I took time to reflect... and last night I meditated for about 15 mins. So today, I was in a different state of mind. I went into the day with a clearer head. It wasn't so easy but I was aware of what I was fighting... and I stayed as calm as I could, and listened to what the market was telling me. I then broke the three day losing streak, and ended today in a profit. All said and done, I am only down about $300 on the week. However, if I hadn't of reduced my daily loss limit I am pretty sure I would be down even more. So looking back, that was probably a good choice to make. And now heading into the week feeling much better, ready to unplug, and forget about trading for a while. Good Trades, Yukoner
I'm not into this God stuff, was once, my whole family, nothing but a nightmare and delusions. I believe in 'Universe' power, every atom transmits power, add them all up and you'll get an idea on how much. Anyhow, back on subject, I would transpose these thoughts like so.... "You are short changing yourself by giving others power over final decisions, remain in control, your body is a vessel (ship), you are the captain. There is no need for forgiveness, we are what we are, and change will come. (with perseverence)" View every challenge is an opportunity. However, I don't believe your work collegues are controlling you, they are just giving guidance. You will get there.
You may be a great trader, but when it comes to this subject you, unfortunately, you have it all wrong.
@Gotcha A lot of what you say about focusing one the trades, and not letting any single trade really affect you... sure, that is right. And the majority of time that is what I do. I see your point about feelings, but I don't believe it is accurate that you can just push them away. The experienced traders that I know, accept them... even embrace them... but then deal with it. In my case, it isn't the single trade or 10 trades that were getting into my head, rather it was the fact that I was now trading for a prop firm. In my own experience, pushing away the feelings can work for a while (i did it for years), but in feelings of high stress they most likely will all surface. (Ever get in a heated argument with a spouse or parent and suddenly a bunch of stuff comes out that has been below the surface for months or years?) I believe a better path is to recognize them, listen to them, and then make a grown up human decision if this can serve me or not. If its really old formative stuff, then I have to rewire something because if I don't deal with it then it sticks around in the background to haunt me. And fwiw, thank you for taking the time to comment... I do appreciate it.