Thanks @satchel I will consider the poor impulse control. The coach is excellent, and without a doubt I have progressed... there just isn't a magic wand that can be waved... this is something that new neurons are required and that takes time to build.
Excellent stuff. Something every trader should print out and have in their journal. Guru, indeed. The unintended consequences of mindfulness. Ignorance used to be such bliss....
Jas, those are great points! I have no idea how the pm feature works, but glad you posted this anyhow. I am sure other traders appreciate it also. I've reread this now a couple of times. You are right about the inner critic. My psych coach has mentioned a few times about how hard I can be on myself. That I need to practice on forgiving myself. I hear what you are saying about the combines. My original goal in this whole endeavor was trying to go up a notch in my trading, and get to the point of trading OPM. I just didn't expect all these issues to keep coming up... especially after I passed a combine on my second attempt. That was less than a year ago... and granted, 2014 was the worst year for me that I ever had, so that is a part of this too. For now I am going to give it a bit more time, and if I can't start to see more change, then I will just go back to trading my own account. Thanks for contributing. I enjoy your journal also. Wish you the best too.
Hi Monoid, Thanks for the contribution. I do indeed practice mindfulness. That is part of my morning ritual prior to even turning on the computer. Without a doubt it helps. However, I do obviously need to get better at the emotional control of what is happening. There is something triggering for me in this whole process of trading OPM. It is like I am never good enough, regardless of what I do. I keep feeling like I should be doing better, I should be making more $$, doing more trades. AHHHHHHH.... as I write this, here is what just came to mind. "My Dad telling me that he would be proud of me in anything I do, as long as I be the best I can be in that profession". (note: this is real time, I am typing this journal about "being better" and that thought came into my mind) So I wonder if I am bringing that over into my trading? If I am somehow saying the best trader would (and guys I am just going to type here unedited) Always have winning days Have big profit days Add to winners and really ride those trades to almost full completion Do lots of trading Trade big size Be in demand and trading for a big prop company Have no fear, and when the perfect opportunity comes they would just trade max size and really push the envelope Stay humble Make a lot of money Hmmmmm, I wonder if that is part of it... if I that is why being good, just isn't good enough. Going to post this anyhow, so I have a record of it. That was unexpected. Thanks. Yukoner
To follow up with RN said, dig more. Issue/because lists....open honest conversation from an objective perspective etc... A lot of trading fears/inoperative beliefs you have can be De-energized. In the words of another friend, name it, claim it, tame it. And another point one made earlier, these things do not need to be "conquered". We're human. But awareness is crucial for you at this point I think. I think you know the "direction" to go. It surely isn't more technical knowledge. -JS
Here is a start to the nut cutting list, in no particular order: 1) I want to be a great trader, not just a good trader. Being just good, isn't good enough. 2) I felt like I should have all ready passed the combine and been into live trading by this point. 3) At times I get too fixated on the computer screen with DOM and charts, as if being super focused would give me super trading power... but what is really happening is biological... my breathing is tightening up, and that cuts off oxygen to my brain... the stress of fight and flight hits... and by that time, I am not able to think clearly. I can't be neutral. 4) My focus starts being on P&L and not on whether I am being a good trader or not. 5) I want to trade the complete pit session. Just trading for a few hours isn't good enough. 6) I want to have big profitable trading days. Making a few hundred dollars per day consistently, doesn't have the same appeal. So yea, I can see how each one of these will really affect me... especially when you throw in the pressure of that father figure watching me from the prop desk. Am I good enough yet?
I'd say just trade your own money, much lower stress and once you gain a few million then you can think about the hassles of trading OPM or not. I bet most people would not want to trade OPM on here.