You might be a Taliban if...

You might be a Taliban if you are amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You might be a Taliban if you bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

You might be a Taliban if you believe masturbation is evil but beating your wife is OK.

You might be a Taliban if you can’t have sex with your first wife until she turns 13.

You might be a Taliban if you can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.

You might be a Taliban if you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your pants.

You might be a Taliban if you consider US soldiers uncivilized for dropping the Quran but you have no problem throwing acid in your wife’s face if she asks for a divorce.

You might be a Taliban if you have at least four brothers named Mohammed.

You might be a Taliban if you have more wives than teeth.

You might be a Taliban if you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You might be a Taliban if you own a $300 machine gun and $2,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

You might be a Taliban if you refine heroin for a living, but have a “moral objection” to beer.

You might be a Taliban if you think an assault with fifty men and machine guns against a US Stryker Brigade may be successful.

You might be a Taliban if you think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You might be a Taliban if you wear eyeliner but you have been acquitted at least once for murdering your wife, sister, or daughter because they wore makeup.

You might be a Taliban if you wipe your ass with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.

You might be a Taliban if you’d rather have your daughter raped than have an education.

You might be a Taliban if you’ll kill anyone that says you’re not peaceful.

You might be a Taliban if your home doesn’t have drapes, but your camel does.

You might be a Taliban if your lifetime goal is to die.

You might be a Taliban if your mother would be happier if you blew up into a million pieces.

You might be a Taliban if you’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

You might be a Taliban if you’ve ever uttered the phrase “I love what you’ve done with this cave”.