EXECUTIVE SUMMARY Company Toks, Inc. according to its Web site at http://www.tspnotes.com/ is the U.S. "public" entity that filed to acquire AOL Time Warner, AT&T Corporation, AT&T Wireless, BellSouth, Comcast Corporation, ExxonMobil Corporation, Fox Entertainment Group, General Electric Company, General Motors Corporation, Hughes Electronics Corporation, Marriott International, Microsoft Corporation, News Corporation, SBC Communications, Tribune Company, Vivendi Universal SA and Vodafone Group in an all stock tax free "heavy premium" It will cost almost $10,000,000,000,000 in stock that will require Toks, Inc. to pay $2,000,000,000 in cash to United States Securities and Exchange Commission (the "Commission") as in SEC filing fees to register all $10,000,000,000,000 Class A Common Shares that will be issued out to the shareholders of above entities at heavy premium. And another $1,000,000,000 to cover all typical expenses as in legal fees, transfer agentsâ fees, PR campaigns, travels, hiring of top management team, etc. Capital Raising Toks, Inc. is seeking any financial institution(s) to arrange $3,000,000,000 to $5,000,000,000 in "bridge loan" to finance the all stock tax free proposed exchange tender offer that will pay heavy premium. very very funny stuff
http://www.kittencare.com/Special_MSFT_Acquisition.html Source: Associated Pets KittenCare.com set to acquire Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) or maybe just some stuff they sell Simba San Francisco, CA, Aug 2000 (Associated Pets) -In a deal that will send shock waves throughout the pet and software industries, KittenCare.com, a wholly-owned subsidiary of KittenCare Enterprises, today announced that it is considering, maybe acquiring Microsoft Corporation. Terms of the deal were not disclosed, but insiders close to the parties noted that it would qualify as a 'pooling of interests' in which KittenCare.com will issue approximately 5-10 shares of its Series "C" PURRferred stock in exchange for 100% of all outstanding Microsoft common. At Microsoft's recent closing price of $68 11/16, the deal is worth $361 billion, or roughly 120,000,000 metric tons of cat food, making this the largest corporate merger in history. Simba, President and CEO of KittenCare.com, and famed Feline Entrepreneur, issued the following statement: "Microsoft is a world class technology company, they have an enormous installed base, their users are in the hundreds of millions, many of those people have cats!! That's a lot of kitty litter my friends." Asked how this would impact the government's anti-trust case against Microsoft, Joel Klein, lead Justice Department Prosecutor commented "KittenCare.com is led by an adorable kitten. How could we ever bring forward a case against such a cute little kitten. Have you seen how cute he is? He's all cute and cuddly and stuff..." The response on Wall Street was one of elation. "KittenCare.com management has again exceeded expectations. This deal tops last year's acquisition of Star-Kist Tuna!" said Robert Rubin, former Treasury Secretary, now Vice Chairman of CityGroup "It is a good day for investors and a great day for kittens." The sentiment was echoed at the 130th annual US Cat Show taking place this week at Madison Square Garden. "Meow" said Eddy, a 5-year-old Persian. Sources close to the negotiations indicated that the new company to be named MicroSoftKitten plans to divest itself of all platform and applications businesses as well as the company's consumer portal, MSN. "The combined company really wants to focus on Microsoft's pet-related assets, especially the mouse business" said Steve Ballamer, on condition of anonymity. Simba added,"By combining our assets, we are forming the single largest mouse company in the world, Meyaou!" Negotiations started soon after KittenCare.com's attempt to purchase Archer Daniels Midland's CatNip assets fell through in April. Microsoft Corporation was advised by the prestigious Wall Street firm, Goldman Sachs. KittenCare.com Enterprises was advised by Ralston Purina.