Who Will Get GOP Nomination

More Newt:

During his appearance today at some kind of press deal sponsored by the Christian Science Monitor, Newt said that he is a Washington outsider.

After this comment, there was a 30 minute break to allow everyone to catch their breath after they finished laughing hysterically. Several correspondents needed O2 as they hyperventillated.

He also referenced Lindsey Lohan, Grover Cleveland, and Andrew Jackson. None of them were available for comment due to their either being dead or incarcerated or drunk.

Seneca

 

Today's candidate:

BARACK OBAMA

OK, I know a lot of you are thinking he's a Democrat and probably won't run as a Republican. I say read on:

Why he could win:
The current list of GOP candidates are, as nicely put as I can, losers.

The Republican Party can nominate him and make one of the babes (Sarah or Michelle or Nikki) the vice-presidential candidate, and then impeach him once he gets elected. A lot of Democrats will crossover and vote for him.

Why he probably won’t win: Seriously, so far he's got it so made he must be laughing in his beer while in Ireland.

Drinking Game: Since he's now in Ireland, have a red ale tonite.

Seneca

 

The definition of irony:



Seneca

 

Today's candidate is Jonathon Tepes Sharkey.

Reasons he will win: This guy has actually filed papers with the FEC.

He claims he is a direct descendant of Vl;ad the Impaler.
John Albert Sharkey was born on April 2, 1966 in Elizabeth, New Jersey to Al and Mary Sharkey. He currently lives in Florida, and has officially put his hat into the ring for President of The United States of America.

Military Career:
United States Army

Civilian Career:
American Wrestler, known as “The Impaler”
Wrestling Instructor who trained Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson


Religious Beliefs:
Satanist who “turned against God”
Vampire who claims to actually drink blood twice a week

Jonathon Sharkey comes from a Catholic family, and says though he hates “God the Father” he has no problem with Jesus. Mr. Sharkey stated in his 2006 run for governor in Minnesota he stated that he respects all religions.

Political Affiliations:
Republican
Vampires, Witches and Pagans Party
Previously served served on the Hillsborough County, Florida Republican Party’s Executive Committee

Political Candidacies:
Jonathon Sharkey has run in more than one state-level and nations elections. He is a perennial candidate, meaning his numerous bids for various offices have resulted in no victories.

Due to his somewhat strange public persona he has attracted a large amount of media coverage. He has also had more than one run-ins with the police.

In 2006 he ran for Governor of the State of Minnesota
The 2012 Presidential Race makes it Mr. Sharkey’s 3rd attempt for the office. He ran in both the 2004 and the 2008 election.

Political Stance:
In the unlikely event that Jonathon Sharkey were to be elected President we would have no concern with the closure of Guantanamo Bay.

He believes, “Certain criminals, instead of being put in jail, they should be brutally tortured and impaled….Upon them being found guilty of their crimes I’ll beat them, torture them, dismember them and decapitate them. ”

We most certainly would be able to cut the Federal and States’ budgets with this policy in place! I am quite sure he would work quickly to streamline the endless waste of tax-payers money by making quick work of the criminals who have been on death row for decades.

Political Criticisms:
A fellow committee member on the Hillsborough County, Florida Republican Party’s Executive Committee stated that Jonathon Sharkey believes in the values of the Republican Party, but says he needs to focus on the issues, not his “extreme behaviors”.

Legal Trouble:
The Unites States Secret Service investigated Mr. Starkey after he threatened to “impale” President George W. Bush.
Mr. Sharkey went to jail in Tennessee for threatening a judge in Indiana. Weapons were confiscated from his property upon his arrest.

He currently has a restraining order filed against him by the family of a 16-year-old Minnesota girl, stating that Sharkey “brainwashed” the girl. He has also admitted to the online harassment of another 16-year-old girl.

Mr. Sharkey appears to have quite a few chinks in his armor that may cause him great difficulty in actually securing the Republican nomination for the 2012 Presidential election. I guess only time will tell if history will repeat itself, or if Mr. Sharkey’s luck will change.

http://conservativedailynews.com/2011/05/jonathon-sharkey-2012-presidential-candidate-profile/

 

He's got my vote.

 

Update on Tim from Minn: In attempt to get recognition and lose Iowa at the same time, Tim dissed ethanol subsidies while in IOWA.
Holy corn!!!

That moves him up on my list; I never thought I'd hear that said by a serious candidate.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0511/55531.html

Seneca

 

GOP: Flying High!



"We have clearance, Clarence.
Roger, Roger.
What's our vector, Victor?
— Cockpit crew in the movie 'Airplane.'

 

Yannis, Surely you can't be serious.

 

Right on, there is no difference between GOP and DEM politicians.All are just a bunch of corrupted fags .