Bernanke opens Fed Discount Window to all US Citizens...Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Taking all manner of collateral, bring your garage sale items here. In order to keep it orderly, just bring receipts of what you got and what it's worth, and we'll cut you a check. Best regards, BB, (your friend at the Fed!)
Breaking news: Fed willing to take dogs and children as collateral in exchange for help with your mortgage. Just call: 1-888-Bailout