I'm glad you found that statement amusing. I certainly had fun writing it. The previous commenter (much like yourself) made assumptions about what I was trying to do, and instead of answering my questions, proceeded to tell me that what I was trying to do was not possible. In all fairness to you and the previous commenter, it's much easier to generalize and attempt to answer questions quickly than to tediously walk through my arguments critiquing my logic and expounding option pricing theory. Nonetheless, this realization didn't stop me from hoping someone might be willing spend the time.