Dude, I love hot women as much , if not more than the next guy, but what you describe sounds to me like a version of hell. "I also rely heavily on alcohol and recreational drugs to 'close'" ?!?!?!?! really? Your life just sounds sleazy but if it makes you happy then good luck to you. My presumption is that most people that lead the above life have a very low opinion of themselves and if you need proof, just look at celebrities - look at how many check into rehab as a result - Robbie Williams anyone?