"Using the Church of Scientology's secrets to fix Washington " ?????

Discussion in 'Politics & Religion' started by harrytrader, Feb 4, 2004.

  1. Frightening to read these kind of proposals on a supposed "non partisan" political review !!!!


    Unlock the Power
    Using the Church of Scientology's secrets to fix Washington
    By Jeffrey M. Rosenfeld
    Published: Sunday, April 1, 2001
    Like millions of Americans, I sensed something wrong with the pervasive money, partisanship, and immorality in Washington, so I decided to do something about it.

    I reasoned that Scientology, a new-age faith/multi-billion dollar empire, might be just the solution to Washington’s problems. After all, it must take a pretty special religion to inspire luminaries like Tom Cruise and Lisa Marie Presley. Intrigued by the possibility of setting the powers of Dianetics to work in Washington, I decided to investigate whether Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard could do for our representatives what Jesus Christ did for President Bush. In a series of phone calls, I presented myself to the Scientologists as an aspiring politician crippled by a failing spirituality and haunted by visions of my past life as President William McKinley, whose greatest moment was, incidentally, the successful attempt at his life that paved the way for Teddy Roosevelt’s presidency. I am happy to report that these discussions with various Scientologist churches yielded even more positive results than I had imagined.

    Scientology, I was told by the Church’s Texas branch, would be a boon to my political prospects. Not only would courses in Scientology boost my communicative power, but I would actually become smarter as I followed the detoxifying rituals outlined in Hubbard’s Clear Body, Clear Mind, on sale now at a Scientologist church near you.

    But the real benefit Scientology would bring to Washington is the church’s ability to help glean truths from past lives. Politicians may be surprised to learn that our greatest national resource isn’t our children or our oil but rather the wealth of information contained in the repressed memories of our past lives. Using auditing, their unique form of brain-cleansing psychoanalysis, Scientology allows its members to explore their past lives. When I inquired about tapping my own past life experience as a mediocre president, I was urged without delay to buy Mr. Hubbard’s Have You Lived Before This Life? (which, coincidentally, stands as a delightful example of how to commercially exploit Eastern faiths). This $35 masterpiece, offered by several of the churches I called, explains methods of recalling repressed memories and solves age-old puzzles such as the existence of ghosts.

    Though nearly all the Scientologists I talked to refused to provide answers over the phone, one auditor I spoke with confirmed that I could in fact be the reincarnation of President McKinley. “It happens all the time,” he assured me. Another church employee confirmed my suspicions that my past life as a slain president was a preview of my future in this life as a successful politician. If the Scientologists are right, think of all the past life experiences embodied by the current members of Congress. Imagine what Jesse Helms could learn from his past life as Jefferson Davis!

    Not only can auditing reveal past lives, it can discover past instances of pain-in Sciento-babble, “engrams”-that now interfere with a person’s well-being. For those of you who did not take high school biology from L. Ron Hubbard, engrams can result in coronary disease, tuberculosis, and tone deafness. In fact, Scientology has incontestably proven that colds and most other ailments are not caused by viruses-germ theory is so 20th century. Auditing is especially effective in cases of prenatal engrams, trauma caused by a mother’s crying, hiccupping, or masturbating; “pre-sperm recordings,” rumored to plague Rep. Tom Delay, are also common. Find out more in Hubbard’s “cold-blooded and factual account of your last 60 trillion years,” A History of Man.

    Much good can be done by ridding our representatives of such engrams and sending them off with non-tautological guiding principles like “If it’s true for you, it’s true for you,” which the Tampa church pitched at me. Though such vague maxims may make “compassionate conservatism” appear straightforward and specific, millions of Scientologists can assure you of their value.

    Ultimately, a marriage between politics and Scientology could be exactly what Washington needs. It might be refreshing to bring a “sense of civility and honor” to Washington, even if the vehicle for such change is the stifling force of a cult. Such a move would also finally get the money out of Washington since most of it would now be channeled to Scientology’s L.A. headquarters. Indeed, unless Washington wakes up to the implicit philosophical genius in L. Ron Hubbard’s science fiction masterpieces, we may be doomed to the fate of Battlefield Earth.