Thank you, MindTrade, for your well-intentioned advice, but it is too late now. I am hooked, my blood is up, my first trade was a winner! I don't understand why everyone thinks this is so hard. Easy money! And I deserve it, too. "Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends."
SickTrader, believe me, I have sat all day at the penny slots in Oklahoma milking a $20 card and jiving with fat bored old widows. Trading is a whole lot more exciting. And Obama better take care of me, or I'll sic the AARP on im. Hang on. I'm workin' up a finanshell analysis of futures tradin'.
Been to those Oklahoma casinos. Unfortunately Oklahoma is the one state I can never step foot again due to prior misunderstandings with the law. Perhaps if you get on a roll we can throw a few down in Biloxi.
I'm game, Sicko. I was so proud of myself yesterday that I bragged to my uncle Abstemius that I made a hunnert bucks tradin' inside a bar. He looked at me kindy strange and asked "Whut was yew drinkin'?" My relations shore know how to deflate a feller. Make success seem like pure luck. So I went back and looked at the chart. Saw there was a lot of places was a red bar inna middle a bunch a blue bars, and vicey versa. Mebbe cause a feller ta make the wrong decishun 'bout the direwreckshun a price. So's I made me a "study" (that's what the data provider calls it, I'd a called it a winder) to emphasize the ambigger...ambigga...ambbugger...damn it, the uncertainty. Bear with me here, I'm takin' this summers.
T'won't be a dry eye in the house when I git finished this story. T'won't be from laffin', neither. This tradin' t'ain't funny a tall. Take today. I'm a tradin' away, never payin no mind, when tout d'un coup (at's what ma cajun cuz Farcical says all a time) I sees sumpin' a wrong with ma fills. I calls IB (hoo-eee they must take long coffee breaks) and I say "You bastards is a cheatin' me! I'm gettin' near two dollar less for an NQ than EasySignal says I should." Loooooong silence. "Sir, that contract expired." "'Spired?" I roar. "I bought it jist now! How damn long is it 'sposed to be good far?" Click.
Y'all 'member my last chart? With here 'n there a lonesome red bar inside a flush a blue bars. An' a outa place blue bar inside a flock a red bars? Well, I am mighty steamed about that. They's obvious amom...anon...abomb...dammit, just plain wrong! Called EasySignal, got some nice polite young feller sounded like Gunga Din, you know, the Brown Injun in the flicker? Got off to a bad start, I'm afraid. I said "Yore damn data is wrong!" Finished with "Sir, I will be going to be getting you a supervisor for you to be talking with in the United of States." Then tha line went dead. Musta been damn Ma Bell agin'. Shorely they dint hang up on a payin' customer. But I lernt a lesson here. Cain't trust tha broker. Cain't trust tha data provider. What's wrong with these people? Don't they know we're trine to make money here? Gotta fix everthin yourself. So I did. Data gonna be wrong now an' 'agin? Compress the chart so it don't make no nevermind, and when blue goes temporaire red, ya don't even see it! And, goes without my needin' ta say it, vice the verse. So new rules: Punch the little red button if the chart looks "red-ish." Punch the little blue button if the chart looks "blue-ish." If the chart looks "purple-ish", doan do nuthin. I hate like Hades to add finer distinctions than simple "red" and "blue", but it 'pears I gotta. Elsers here I sees fokes makin' quarla...quarta...quawla...you know, non number decisions. Attached is my new chart. Ain't it purty? Kin yew see purplish? An' tell it from bluish? I am trine like hell ta make this as easy as tha uppish and downish some other fokes here be usin'.
Wave, doan you be a laffin' at me. I made a hunnert bucks yestiddy. Posted the bladder ta prove it, too. Ain't many a them bigmouthed bigcity fatboy traders runnin' there mouths off hear a doin' that. Damn liars, I think. Just quit yore grinnin', do not drap yore linnin, and stay tuned. You are a goin' to be a-mazed! Shorely yew did not think a Snopes would bareass hisself in pubbick. Ain goan bring yew no soggy Starbucko's paper cup of a tradin' system. No sir! Be the real silver-plate thing! Good as what the Man drank his last cuppa whiskey fum. But I 'spect a little 'spect.