Cobra Trading of Allen Texas, self-described as "an on-and-off ET sponsor," is working to bring TradersExpo to the Dallas area at a yet-to-be-announced date in 2011. With a little artful hacking, I have purloined a preliminary list of vendors from the local area. Those of us in Dallas are thrilled at the opportunity for local talent to be showcased. They and their mission statements are: Joe Doaks Software: "We code up your trading ideas, no matter how incomprehensible, illogical, or stupid, and never laugh." Fleming Snopes Trading: "Trade free with us for a month, and if not fully satisfied we'll cheerfully refund to you whatever might be left." Loa Tzu Market Data: "We provide the thrifty Asian expatriate trading community with a low cost service made possible by our proprietary worldwide network of hijacked PCs which pings free data sources worldwide and consolidates the results into a single data stream for those who can trade off a lot of cost for a little latency." Deco Communications: "We provide a free internet trade order routing service, made possible by our exclusive relationship with High Frequency Trading server providers." Plecostomus ET Traders' Sediment Advisory: "We scrape ET threads in real time for trade calls, consolidate them and fade the majority opinion for you so you won't have to hurt your head or turn your stomach." Kraepelin Trade Coaching: "We are pleased to offer struggling traders free real-time consultation, asking only that you let us take the other side of your trades while you are our client." Please plan to join us and these vendors. They promise to have lots of booth babes who work the convention center day shift to provide you for a modest fee what you're really looking for when you go out of town.
This just in. I received a PM from long-time ET member Rahula Gautama, as follows: "Greetings gentle Arthur! I am the Dallas agent for the Indian Outsourced Trading Bureau in Delhi. Be pleased to tell all of ET that if they wire funds to our bank and email a clear description of their best trading strategy we will relieve them of the wearisome burden of actually trading, and for only a few rupiahs a day. And tell your friends in Allen to come visit us at the Temple of Ganesha only minutes away from them on Highway 5. Be sure to bring a small gold coin for the holy elephant's blessing."
Funy, one of the biggest "Traders" to turn Hedgefund pro and very profitable opened up a Office in Mubia India...Hummmm could it be that there are other places, more attractive for Quants writing Black Box Systems other than the USA? I mean, how many "Traders" blow out their accounts trying to trade based on the Human Eye and hand reflex as well as the Brain to Hand lapse of Speed? I know, I know, all these traders are profitable.....that's why most work a 9 to 5.
My, my! I had no idea the Dallas area spawned so many trading entrepreneurs. I am pleased to announce that John Merchant's Traders' Press will be there selling Expo-only specially-priced copies of their best seller "Hershey For Dummies." It collates and explains in simple language all that is useful in Jack's thousands of pages of ET posts on a single laminated three-by-five card in large easy-to-read print. Be sure to stop by their booth! All profits from Expo sales go to the Hershey Catatonic Readers Relief Fund.
We have just learnt that another notable Dallas trading vendor has signed up for the Expo. ET member and former Chicagoan Cassandra will be there taking reservations for her evening seminar "Cassandra's Secrets of Black Power Trading." Her promotional material promises: "Why should the rich Honky and the clannish Jew know what the disadvantaged Black Man doesn't? Spend a night one-on-one with Cassie and discover the secrets she learned in thirty years of servicing top Chicago pit traders in her one-woman firm Trading It On The Street."
Ever-quotable North Texas resident and ET poster Thomas Jackson, celebrated author of the Southern eco-classic on recycling "Keep Your White Trash and Your Black Trash Separated", will be at Expo autographing copies of his then-to-be-released "Will You Profit From The Coming Second American Civil War?" In a recent guest spot on Glen Beck's show he offered this preview: "The Blue States are already morally and economically bankrupt. They will collapse into irrecoverable anarchy when the Second Confederacy embargoes their access to Fritos, Dr. Pepper and Gulf shrimp, not to mention Dallas analog chips and West Texas oil and gas. The coup de grace will be when they can no longer get Austin's own Tito's six-times-distilled homemade vodka!"
Quote from Arthur Deco: "Hershey For Dummies." It collates and explains in simple language all that is useful in Jack's thousands of pages of ET posts on a single laminated three-by-five card in large easy-to-read print. There must be a lot of white space on that card, Deco. So, Deco, You're in the big "D", wouldn't South Beach be a better fit? Do you drive your air conditioned Escalade from your air conditioned garage in Highland Park to your air conditioned parking garage and take your air conditioned private elevator to your 40th floor, air conditioned office Monday through Friday? Don't deny it if you do. Good trading to you, Piezoe P.S. Be on the alert for roving bands of Methodists with baseball bats coming to smash your collection of vintage Tequila.
Alas, 'Lectric, my circumstances are not as grand as you fantasize. My manse is a single-wide (no AC, broken screens) in an especially seedy weedy trailer park in Collin County. Its only charms are that everybody there is white (trash), and it is within easy hobbling distance for an old cripple to the Whataburger (I like the bacon biscuit for breakfast, when I have collected enough recycleable cans to afford it). Vintage tequila? What little booze I have I collected by dribbling the last drops out of the bottles in my neighbors' trash cans. Life is hard for the fixed-income NQ trader.
Sick-Sick-Sick, the card reads: "Take the market's offer." After I compared everything I remember Jack saying to what I know to be true from real every day trading experience, that's all that was left.