Today, I will bring you all up to date on some of the big news stories of the past few days. Enjoy! Unemployment plagues Afghanistan- Well, this is a surprise to hear. You mean there are no job openings for people who hide in caves all day long? I can't see someone not wanting to hire an ex-Taliban member with no formal education to run their company for them. Okay, all kidding aside, how exactly is this news? Doesn't this fall into the category of common knowledge? Is it just me, or doesn't it strike you as funny that people from the Middle East bitch and complain about us in the West living large, while they're crying poor mouth and blaming us for it? Thats pretty much why they hate us, and wish death upon America, and Americans. Maybe if you didn't sit around and plot murders all day long, or riot and burn flags for hours on end, you'd find the time to learn a skill that people could actually use. Like how to fix a fax machine, or a microwave oven. Is it our fault that if someone wants to get their computer working again, they'd actually want to go to somebody who knows how to turn one on in the first place? No, I'm wrong, it is our fault for allowing you guys to live in the Stone Age while were prospering. It's always our fault, isn't it? There's an old saying, God helps those who help themselves. I guess its just easier to point fingers for some folks rather than look within! Howard Stern considering going back to free radio- I read an article last week in which a guy explained why David Lee Roth, who took over for Stern when he left for Satellite radio, had gotten canned so to make room for the KING OF ALL MEDIAs arch rivals Opie and Anthony. Now, apparently, Stern is considering a return to terrestrial radio after admitting on his show that he has gotten what he calls a substantial offer by an unnamed company. Rumor has it, that unnamed company is none other than Citadel Broadcasting, which is about to be acquired by Disney/ABC (owns WPLJ IN NYC). All this, was in reaction to comments Opie and Anthony made about Stern last week on their show. Howard got all worked up, and began issuing challenges and thats when he admitted to the offer hes received. Now this is all contingent on Sirius Satellite Radio, who owns Howards exclusivity for the next five years, agreeing to this arrangement. They would still keep Stern onboard, but he would spend a few hours on free radio, and then switch over to Satellite. Basically, the same deal Opie and Anthony have with XM. Since Sirius is losing money hand over fist, I don't see that being too much of a hurdle. Me, personally, I'd love to see Stern back on the free airwaves, especially if he has an ax to grind other than with the FCC. When he was at his best in the early 90's, he was going to war against other shock-jocks and Zookeepers. Nothing will bring out the best in Stern like a good rivalry, and with O and A firmly intact at his old stomping grounds; he should be as ruthless as ever. I truly pray that this happens, because in all honesty, after two weeks of giving Opie and Anthony a try, I'm almost wishing they'd of kept DLR. I really want Howard back, and unless I land myself a rich girlfriend soon, who could pay for my satellite subscription, I'm going to be shit out of luck. Now if only Howard can bring Jack the Jokeman back and get rid of that fat slob Artie Lange!!!!! Baseball player Barry Bonds hits home run 713, but refuses to sign ball for fan who catches it- Most people are aware that San Francisco Giants baseball player Barry Bonds is about to pass Babe Ruth for second on the all time home runs hit list. Ruth himself belted out 714 dingers throughout his legendary career, and Bonds just smashed 713 in Philadelphia two days ago. But the lucky fan who caught the ball in the bleachers, a serviceman in the Air Force no less, was refused by Bonds when he asked the slugger to have it personally autographed. Bonds did agree to take a picture with the guy, however, and even shook his hand, but no signature. Why did he not sign the ball for the fan who caught his home run? Because thats Barry Bonds! You see, most people hate this guy not because he's been pumpin roids(allegedly) into his system for years, not because hes cheated his way to the top, but because he's an arrogant prick who pisses on the fans of the game he plays. You'd have to search high and low to find anyone who likes this guy outside of frisco, and with good reason. If theres any justice in this world, he'd break his leg and retire just before he passes Ruth, but that won't happen. I know what some of your are thinking, "well, he did agree to take a photo with that fan, so he must not be that bad." The only reason he did that was because the fan himself signed a waiver to appear on Bondss reality TV show he has on ESPN. Otherwise, he wouldn't have gotten that. Barry Bonds has a reality TV show huh? Surprised? You shouldn't be. They gave one to Osama Bin Laden's niece, and football scumbag Terrell Owens? Who;s next? Adolf Hitler's great nephew? Just goes to show how fucked up our society is. Stop watching these retarded reality shows, and go out and live your own lives already! Bad luck for Mr. Blaine- Illusionist, whatever that is, David Blaine, is recovering nicely and has been released from Hospital after his latest stunt went awry. Unfortunately, he's expected to not only make a full recovery, but has also vowed to show up again like a bad penny to "amaze" us all with his death defying feats. Well la-de-fucking-da! Now look, I'm not one to wish harm on another human being, but part of me had hoped this asshole would have bought the farm this time around. I'm tired of seeing him with his bullshit that nobody but him seems to care about. Maybe, its my deep seeded hatred of magicians that goes back to when I was a child, but this guy really gets my goat, and I'm positive I'm not alone in thinking this way. Holding your breath for five minutes while underwater doesn't impress me. You wanna be a thrill seaker? You wanna stare death in the face? Try going over to Iraq for a week, or maybe have your next starving yourself stunt in Darfur. Then maybe I'll give you props D! What is the fascination with this prick? I think people tune into this guy wondering if this is the time he actually does die. Its the same exact reason most people used to watch Evil Knievel back in the day. And I'm sick and tired of hearing about him. Hey David, how bout for your next trick, you do the world a favor and disappear forever. Oh, and, by the way, don't come back. Pussy! Happy Trading, -TheActionKid