Top five regrets of the dying

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by bigarrow, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. Top five regrets of the dying

    A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life?

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    Susie Steiner, Wednesday 1 February 2012 06.49 EST
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    The top five regrets of the dying
    A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy

    There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

    Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

    Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

    Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

    1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

    "This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

    2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

    "This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

    3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

    "Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

    4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

    "Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

    5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    "This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

    What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?
  2. lwlee


    That's pretty powerful. The day you are to meet your maker, no truer moment than that.
  3. You talking about Mom and Dad ?
  4. McLoota


    My first if not biggest regret would be dying. Imagine if you could live 300 years, the first 80 spent learning what works. the latter 220 years in the zone so to speak.

    we could have 2 or 3 careers with what we learn with a long life.

    Dying is the biggest regret of dead people, it must be!
  5. I already feel like (4) has taken place. Being so busy with life and my immediate family, I completely lost touch with most of my childhood/college/etc. friends about 10 years ago.
  6. lwlee


    Why you got to cheapen the moment with cheap humour? Totally ruined the impact of your post. :p

  7. "I wish I still had the strength to take as many of the bastards with me as I can."

    "I wish I had blown my enemies brains out while they were still alive."

    "I wish I had smacked the shit out my ex when she gave me lip."

    "I wish I had fucked the neighbor lady when she came on to me."

    "I wish there was a button I could push to fry asshole posters on ET."

    The five regrets are deeply influenced by the fact that many of the dying are senile, maudlin and self-pitying. Die with your boots on and guns blazing!
  8. I'm 24 and I can already wish all of these things, and have them as regrets. I feel like I'm already dead.

    Money is at the root of all these wishes:

    1). How can you live a true life, when society molds you into what they want you to be, and when you need to make money to be your own boss?

    2). How can't you work hard? You need money for everything, even more so with a family! Most jobs don't pay you what you are actually worth.

    3). The only time you can freely express your feelings is when you don't owe anybody shit, and you don't need to work for someone else. Another case in which you must have money.

    4). To stay in touch with people takes free time and you get free time by having money. How can you go see them? You need time off from work and money to travel!

    5). How can you be happy when you have something to worry about all the time (What do I eat next, where do I sleep next)? The only way you wouldn't have to worry is to have all the money you needed.

    Wealth distribution is so fucked up.... it's the whole reason we are on this site in the first place.
  9. Why'd you work so hard?

    To get out of the house. The wife and kids are driving me crazy, besides the premiums on the life insurance are exhorbant

    Friendships, yea, I would have like to spend more times with the guys but I had to paint the house for the old lady.

    Express your feeling more? C'mon, she told you to "shut up, nobody cares what you think".

    "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

    Even on his death bed the mofo's still lying, we know the bitch killed ya.

    I'd like to hear the womans version.
  10. +1, Hell yea!...:D
    #10     Feb 2, 2012