i did demosssss and did magnificientlyyyyy Demo helps you get a sense of the market but trading real money is different...imo
May be your demo period just coincided with a particular behaviour of the market you traded. It's just reading your thread update, it seems that there is quiet a few things missing in your trading. What differences have you noticed between trading live and trading demo ? Is your trading approach exactly the same, or you have changed tiny little thing that makes the difference?
Your two big down days Unless I missed something the two worst days were holding positions when you weren't able to actively watch the market - trying to pick up a couple hundo; tripping over pennies after you more than doubled your account. Chalk it up to tuition. Jesse Livermore would catch hell on ET.
Certainly for his private life as he had the habit of marrying women whose former husband committed suicides, or entered into heavy depressions.
It's admirable that you keep your own council while wildly swinging for the fences on real money with real consequences. Understandably this is your hero's journey and fresh to you, however, the scene from this side is of a sitcom on endless reruns. It's a bit tragic in that all the wise words of council meant as buoys, guides and lifesavers to safely bring your ship into harbor, you appear determined to navigate your way through (strange to you, yet local to us) hazardous waters. If you're thinking of pulling a rabbit out-of-a-hat, then now's the time. Otherwise, breaks are good. Having Cash is good. Cash is a position. Being in cash let's one think straight.
Another method to save you from yourself is to trade a smaller version of the contract you are currently trading. Try trading USO or UCO/SCO with small size until you are consistently profitable. That way you have skin in the game, but your bleed rate will be a fraction of what it is right now.
"Gambling very small", perhaps. Anything that can involve losing 45% of your account in a single day isn't really "trading", is it? Or maybe it's "trading, but not as we know it, Jim".