Today I was informed that my grandma just lost 450,000 rand.

Discussion in 'Politics' started by rowenwood, Feb 13, 2004.

  1. sjp

    sjp

    Heres one for you.....

    All you need is a bag of bricks, a police uniform, a shovel, some rubber gloves, a doctor open to bribery, a blow up doll and a convincing telephone manner. Granny need not know of the full extent of the plan, but should at least know the basic facts to play along.

    1. Convince your granny to take out a whopping life insurance policy (in region of $3,000,000 accidental death coverage). This must be done at least 1 month before stage 2.

    2. Go round to grannys house and call up some pipe-hitting crack dealers from the shanty town.

    3. Give them your Granny address and say she has a large quantity of crack to sell them at a ridiculously low price (encased in a simple garden shovel handle).

    4. Hide in the box room while your Granny has her breakfast - (dress the doll in the police uniform). And wait for the shanty villians to pick up the shovel.

    5. Wait for the crackheads to arrive and start hassling Granny, then burst through the door with the 'police-doll' outstretched in front of you. This should scare them off quickly and they will scarper - leaving you in the kitchen with your shocked granny.

    6. Calmly put on a set of rubber gloves and invite your granny to sit at the kitchen table. Then hit her with reasonable force with the shovel. This should incapacitate her and the crackheads fingerprints will be on the shovel.

    7. Quickly dress her in the police uniform that was on the doll. Puncture the doll (no longer needed), and call your doctor friend. He, for a small bribe, (perhaps a quantity of crack?), will pronounce her dead at the scene and the police will scour the shanty towns for the crack heads responsible.

    8. Arrange safe transportation for Granny over land to Namibia and fly to New York via Windoek - London. By this time, the blow up doll and bag of bricks will be safely buried.

    9. Collect your bounty and join your fully recovered granny in America!

    What could be simpler! Hope all this helps.

    Yours
    Helpful Trader
     
    #51     Feb 19, 2004
  2. You should study art, poetry and English grammer to get an idea of what banality is. Your sense of humor is MTV cool. Crack jokes were hip about 10-15 years ago. I believe chris rock used them up.

    I didn't even chuckle from your post.
     
    #52     Feb 19, 2004
  3. sjp

    sjp

    I should study english 'grammer' eh?! lol. Foolish oaf.

    Rowenwood, listen - perhaps I have been a little unsensitive so heres what I'll do. A restaurant of mine needs a car parking valet (job comes with really nice red uniform for free), if you are interested let me know. 7 dollars an hour sound good? Build back up the old family fortune? I'll even throw in courtesy accomodation for Granny.

    Let me know. You would be perfect - the right applicant must be a serious kind of person with little or no discernible personality. I think you qualify.

    Yours
    MTV Trader
     
    #53     Feb 20, 2004
  4. I write a post stating that you've no personality, then you respond accusing me of having no personality:wow.

    goodnight mtv trader
     
    #54     Feb 20, 2004
  5. sjp

    sjp

    how bout that job then? You want or not?
     
    #55     Feb 20, 2004