To the Successful Traders

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by oddiduro, Jun 12, 2003.

  1. I need your help.

    Here is the story.

    When I first announced that I would become a trader to my family and friends, the ones that did not laugh outright sort of gave each other that "knowing" look. If you have never seen it, tell someone that you are going to be an astronaut, or that you are actually from Atlantis, and watch them exchange glances, trying to decide whether to ridicule you publicly, or treat like you need medicine.

    Well, into my fourth year, I have become successful enough to begin to manifest a few modest lifestyle changes.

    I bought a new car! I needed a new car.

    I cut back my work hours to part time. I don't see the need to work full time if you don't have to. I don't earn that much. I have taken 20 ES points from 2 contracts this week.

    Big Deal.

    It seems that a few of my friends and family are not laughing at me now, but they are not at all happy for me either.

    Some of them seem to think that my trading is like the lottery, and since I don't "work" for it, I should have no problem giving some my income to them, whenever they feel the need.

    A true friend of mine warned me that success can bring unexpected reactions from people that you would not suspect. I discounted that advice and now have been caught off guard.

    To the successful traders, how does one handle success?

    Tell me some of your stories, maybe I can learn from them.

  2. Kap


    success, well, I learnt never to tell anyone, if you must , tell them about times you have lost, and that you are now just survivng and just ticking over.

    Telling your friends that you made a 40K$ profit last week will be greeted with resentment and envy.
  3. Why??

    If a friend told me that they won the lottery. I would be happy for them, I truly would.

    I have a friend that makes 90K a year. I proposed a trip to the bahamas when I caught up with them in earning power.

    I don't understand envy:(


    First, why your friends & family would not be happy for you is a mystery. Perhaps it's jealousy on their part. Next, I'd suggest that you explain that you do work for whatever you earn in the markets. If your friends persist in wanting part of your "lottery" profits then tell them you expect them to replenish your account when you have losing days.

    As far as my experiences ... when I left a secure corporate job some of my friends & family thought I was crazy. As far as letting them know how well I'm doing financially I don't get into that. For that matter it's no different than when I had a corporate job ... no reason to tell people how much you make.

    By chance do you have a need to tell the friends & family about your successful trades and how much you made? If so, you might want to try to keep your emotions in check more (whether you have a winning day or losing day).
  5. Well, they already knew what my aspirations were. When I began to to do well, and enjoying my profits, the questions came, and naively, I answered them in a straightforward manner.

    I saw no reason to lie:confused:
  6. Kap


    well they won't pat you on the back when your up 100K, or help you out when you gotta put your house up for a margin call, - perhaps you have better friends than me !
  7. kernan


    Not a mystery - there are two kinds of people in the world...those who are genuine and can be happy for other's success. And those who are jealous, and envious of other's success.

    Sadly, I think their are more people in the second group.

    But, you should always be humble, no matter who you are dealing will benefit you in the long run.
  8. If your going to loan your friends money...make them sign a contract and charge the same interest rate they would have gotten at their own bank.

    From that point on...they'll realize that money is not a game to you and that you take money and your trading very seriously.

    NEVER give friends money that had previously not supported you when you first started trading...

    as for those friends that previously supported you...more explained below.

    As for your family...if you've ever borrowed money from them in the them back now...with interest and call it even.

    If a family member is in need of emergency money that you yourself consider a crisis...

    then help them out freely.

    However...there's a difference between a family member asking for example...$500 to buy a new stereo in comparison to asking for $1200 to take a last minute plane trip to attend a funeral of another love one.

    One thing I've learned a long time ago...

    don't go around telling people how much money you make.

    If they can't figure out you must be doing ok when you show up in a brand new nice looking car and are working only part-time and no longer full-time or whatever...

    they don't need to know.

    Jealousy can easily ruin friendships when things that are obviously are being explained to someone in their face.

    Simply...if a friend ask you how much money you made today or this week...

    reply..."I did ok...I'm happy or I had a great week or I had a bad week".

    That's all that's needed to be said.

    If they persist...tell them its none of their business.

    However, if they are not asking you and your teling them...

    regardless if you think its a big deal or not...

    it may be a big deal to them and will create problems.

    Look at it this way...on pay day...

    do your friends call you up and tell you how much of a pay check they got or do they call you up and say its pay day...lets go do something?

    Something else...if your the generous type...DON'T give cash to your friends.

    Instead...treat them to a nice dinner at a nice restaurant or offer to pay for those concert tickets you guys are going to or tickets to some sort'uv of sports events or whatever...

    only offer to pay for something you yourself are going to be there with them.

    but never give cash.

    Maybe I'm wrong...but isn't the above common sense solutions?

  9. Oddiduro,

    True friends don't get jealous... only acquaintances get jealous... fuck em...

  10. DHOHHI


    If/when people ask me how I'm doing I smile and say I'm doing okay. Most of them are smart enough to figure out that if I wasn't making a living I'd be pounding the pavement looking for a job and likely more agitated since losing traders are often more stressed. I think your disposition, especially if you are doing well now, says a lot about your success. Hopefully your friends and family will become less jealous over time and be happy for you. Lots of people go through life working at jobs they don't like ... to do something you love and make money makes life so much more enjoyable.
    #10     Jun 12, 2003