I want to escape my own mind, but somehow switching modes and channeling it into productivity doesn't happen because the occasional thought-loop of reliving past embarrassments just paralyzes me. I just end up so ashamed of myself, for no reason. Sometimes I feel like the past is threatening me, even when there is no concrete evidence for believing that. If I were religious, I'd be trying to "get right with God" right now. But no religion has really answered questions adequately enough for me, so I find myself in a personal hell. I am honestly and sincerely thinking about doing charity work and volunteer work once or twice a week to make up for short-comings. I think my idle time in front of the trading screen has been turning into just deep, brutal introspection. Oddly enough, the trading performance is fine.
Be really careful if you do see a doctor because a mis-diagnosis and drug prescription can take you down a rabbit hole you can't come back from. The symptoms you described do sound like panic-attack symptoms. You can probably beat it by drinking V8 juice (or fresh veggies) instead of coffee and trying to get an extra hour of sleep each night. If you like the taste of coffee, switch to decaf after your first cup. Also if you are using substances, detox for a month and I bet your symptoms recede noticeably. Another thing you can try is cardio exercise. Good luck.
I think this is a great idea! My last post was silly, but seriously, this is a very good idea and is, in and of itself, a sort of "religion".
I use to have the same exact dream...all of a sudden I do not have enough credits to graduate high school. I don't dream about it anymore, though. Or maybe I do and I just don't know it because I don't remember most of my dreams anymore. The dream I used to have...well, I dreamt about it a couple of times... that was worse than that one was that I dreamt that I had a baby...and then all of a sudden I would realize it had been several days and I'd forgotten to feed the baby. It was awful! Makes me kind of glad I don't remember my dreams anymore.
I think it's just something that happens to people when they suddenly find themselves with a little more time on their hands. It seems your mind is always having to think about something, so if you don't fill it with good thoughts, the bad ones creep in.
I just keep busy with other things.... Went back to school to learn programming on a part time basis.....thinking it will help me to be less dependant. After that I am planning to take some lessons to be a skipper.... I went back to the gym on daily basis. Something I have not done for years. I keep developing and testing new ideas... etc....