"The Daily Skirt" Special Report

Market Sounds Gone!

In a move clearly intended to screw all traders, but in particular tampa, the CME today pulled the service known as Market Sounds.

The product was a computer generated ”Squawk Box” providing bid and ask prices for the E-Mini S&P 500, as well as the NASDQ 100 stock indexes. Some traders, tampa in particular, have become dependent upon, if not addicted to the service.

Market Sounds had been provided free of charge in Bata form until this morning, when without notice or warning it was discontinued. CME officials said that the service would return in mid-December, but only as an “add on” to their otherwise overpriced unnecessary data and charting packages.

When contacted for comment early this morning, tampa was apoplectic, barely able to talk, but managed to say: “What the fu*k am I supposed to do? Listen to music, and actually look at the screen for bid/ask information?”

 

Kind of like being "forced" to tap the brake on the freeway, which de-activates the cruise control, because the other cars are screwing everything up. I hate that!!!


Everything was going along just right......

 

Why does my Daily Skirt come missing the flyer from the supermarket?
I need to know what's on sale, and I want my special two-for-one store coupons

 

IT’S UNCONSTITUTIONAL!

Sighting the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 17th, and 23rd Amendments to the United States Constitution, tampa called on all traders to take to the streets in protest of the CME’s decision to discontinue the service known as Market Sounds. The distraught trader and Elite Elite Traders Forum member called the move unconstitutional, saying that he has a right as a citizen in good standing and as a tax payer to have the current bid/ask quotes provided at no additional charge in audio form.

tampa a well known E-Mini trader, and publisher of the popular Daily Skirt, was inconsolable upon learning that the all but unknown service would no longer be provided. Sitting in silence, with a blank stare on his face as tears fell from his eyes, tampa said: “the bastards are out to get me. I can’t trade like this. Life is no longer worth living.”

When it was pointed out to the dismayed dabbler in index futures that he had done just fine prior to finding Market Sounds, and not all that well since logging on to the now discontinued service, the irritated trader said: “Get off my case, would ya? I want my Market Sounds!”

 

Dear Sirs,

I am writing to express my show of support to Mr. Tampa in whatever the heck it is he's complaining about. You must never stop fighting for what is your constitutional right.

I have forwarded your complaint to the Vermont State Fish and Wildlife Authority. I encourage others to do the same. Send your complaints to somethingfishy@vermont.gov.

Sincerely, qdz

trader and good citizen

p.s. protest the daytrading restrictions!
Write to marketreg@sec.gov
and pubcom@nasd.com

 

Oh how you make me long for Mr. Sub

Mr. Sub if you are reading this can you start randomly throwing out a "Sub Report" to show this wannabe how it is done???

 

THE SOUNDS OF SILENCE

“You know what? It was kind of nice listening to some tunes instead of that annoying voice shouting at me all day.” With that tampa sat back at days end more relaxed then he had been in months – the months since he discovered Market Sounds, the computer generated squawk box from the CME.

In a diabolical plot intended to entrap unsuspecting traders, the Chicago based exchange had hoped to addict patrons, and convince them that trading was impossible without the non-stop service. "I feel better then I've’ felt in ages. Heck, I even petted the cat today." ”said the once distraught tampa. “Screw ‘em. Who needs their crappy yapping anyway?” he continued.

What had started out as a dark day in Tampa, ended in silence – joyous silence at the tampa household. “It’s good to have my sweetie back” said Mrs. tampa. "He just hasn’t been himself since he found that stupid Market Sounds thing. I’m glad they took it off.” She concluded by saying: “Now he can devote his time to doing what he really enjoys – trying to beat the ET moderators at their own game.”

 

You can post what ever pleases you - but it doesn't make it so.

If you had one tenth of my ability, you'd be a lot more interesting then you are!

 

Let's get something straight - Subliminal is OLD HAT - done, finished, stick a fork in him!

He's OK if you're stuck in the 70's, but I am here and now.

If the old timer wants to have a "Wit-Off", I'm ready.

Are you reading this, Subliminal? Get out your Uncle Billy's Joke Book, and let's see what you got - you has been!

 

Indeed, but then I might be compeled to spend all of my time thinking up droll, humorless, jibber-jabber to post on a trading forum and forget all about the object of the project, you know trading...

Now to draw on some real humor;
The bums lost the war Tampa, go get a job!