Teaching the Wife to Trade

I am well past the age at which death is no longer optional. I wasted ten years of my waning life seeking profitable index futures trading systems. Who knew it would take that long and cost so much? My losses would have fed a family of four in the Third World for a century. Anyway, my wife is younger than me, and no doubt will live until I am a faded memory recallable only through a photograph, perhaps gracing a younger man with her charms. But I am not bitter. I want her to benefit financially from my hard work after I am gone. So last week I sat her down with me and started explaining what I do. I even created a "baby" chart for Baby to use. You know, the essential one square inch on the display otherwise devoted to extraneous shit? Well, after a week she got it: "You mean when you enter a trade you don't even know if you'll WIN? And you lose THREE out of every four trades? And you don't even know how long the system will LAST? And you lose HOW much per contract when you lose? And you trade HOW many contracts? Is THAT what the fuck you have been doing with our money? Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! (runs off screaming and tearing tufts of hair out)." I guess she didn't really want to learn to trade.

 

Oh wow!
When deadbroke gets to this thread...:eek:

 

How hot is your wife?

 

If you like women old enough to be your grandmother, she is hot.

 

Casino is exactly the analogy I used. She loves to play the slots. "Trading is a busted slot that pays off," I said.

 

Teaching a spouse to trade could really induce some "issues." I can imagine my Wife losing some money, and saying, "you caused all of this!!!":eek:

 

Well.

I mean WTF did you expect using words like "win" and "lose"? This is your WIFE you're teaching, Mr. D, not a damned gambler!

You need to use words like "buy" (women are natural born shoppers) and "sell" (we can run a mean yard sale, too), and "large size" (self-explanatory).

Isn't it clear to you that Mr. D can take the heat?

If this doesn't get db in here, then he's clearly on holiday.

 

Are you thinking something like, "Baby, you only wear one out of every five pairs of shoes you buy."

 

I think her thought pattern is akin to the losers are my deliberate fault and the winners are pure shit luck.

 

With all due respect, I believe your wife knew in an instant what you still have not realized after a decade of illusions. Women are very good at judging the merits of a venture. So better not lure her into the market.