Take a break for a joke

Discussion in 'Politics & Religion' started by ArchAngel, Oct 30, 2002.

  1. Viagra Joke

    In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name:

    Tylenol is acetaminophen, Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, Advil is ibuprofen, and so on.

    The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced that it has settled on mycoxafloppin.

    Also considered were, mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix, and of course, ibepokin

    --------------------

    Add your own favorite jokes - after a day of trading, everyone needs to a break to laugh
     
  2. Babak

    Babak

    ArchAngel,

    lol thanks for the laugh. Its been a long time since I've had a hearty chuckle from a post on ET. :D
     
  3. Groom Broom

    Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

    One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other the groom broom.

    The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!"

    "Impossible!" said the groom broom.
    "We haven't even swept together!"
     
  4. Killer Biscuits

    Linda Burnett, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

    One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brain in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

    When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread stuck to the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.

    She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
     
  5. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
    "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

    So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

    "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

    "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught.":)
     
  6. A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

    The man sued.... and won. In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."

    After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
     
  7. "Not now, kid. Can't you see I'm busy?"
     
  8. A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals.

    The Chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, then we'll eat you, and then we'll use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

    The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman cries "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.

    The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief hands him a gun, the Englishman points it at his head saying "God save the Queen!", and blows his brains out.

    The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over; the stomach, sides, chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing all over the place, it's horrible.

    The chief is appalled and asks, "God almighty, what are you doing?"

    The New Yorker sneers and says, "So much for your canoe, you stupid fuck!"
     
  9. Actual E-mail Addresses

    1. Helen Thomas Eatons (Duke University)
    - eatonsht @ dku.edu

    2. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania)
    - dickinme @ iup.edu

    3. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University)
    - kissinfk @ lvu.edu

    4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University)
    - aspicker @ pu.edu

    5. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University)
    - ibballin @ bsu.edu

    6. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division, Overton Canada)
    - btkisser @ bendover.com

    7. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us)
    - ihadcock @ tru.com

    8. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University)
    - cumminme @ fu.edu

    9. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.)
    - blowmegd @ dropdrawers.com

    10. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating)
    - beeranbj @ myplace.com
     
  10. A trout in a lake was watching a fly on a post, thinking...
    If the fly would only drop 6 inches, I would eat it.

    Little did the trout know that a bear was watching that same fly,
    thinking... If the fly would only drop 6 inches, the trout would eat the fly and I would eat the trout.

    Little did the bear know that a hunter was watching that same fly, thinking... If the fly would only drop 6 inches, the trout would eat the fly, the bear would eat the trout and I would shot the bear.

    Little did the hunter know that a mouse was watching that same fly, thinking... If the fly would only drop 6 inches, the trout would eat the fly, the bear would eat the trout, the hunter would shot the bear and I would eat the hunter's cheese sandwich.

    Little did the mouse know that a cat was watching that same fly,
    thinking... If the fly would only drop 6 inches, the trout would eat the fly, the bear would eat the trout, the hunter would shot the bear. the mouse would eat the hunter's cheese sandwich and I would eat the mouse.

    Well... It all happen just like that! The Fly dropped 6 inches, the trout ate the fly, the bear ate the trout, the hunter shot the bear, the mouse ate the cheese sandwich and the cat jumped after the mouse but fell into the lake.,


    The Morale Of The Story....

    Whenever a fly drops 6 inches you are sure to a find a wet pussy.
     
    #10     Nov 2, 2002