I am starting this journal in hopes to get guidance from respectable traders.. as I never have been blessed in meeting a kind mentor who took his/her time to help me. I got into trading first in college trading on etrade during the bull market. I lost my life savings by the end of April 2000 due to a margin call. I spent the next 3 years working as an financial analyst running valuation models everyday. When I quit my job as analyst, I had saved 50k. I was ready to go back to trading. Thinking, I am smarter this time around, I had an interview at a prop firm that traded listed stocks and I joined them depositing 5k. "You will make 90k in your first year and from then on sky is the limit." "I want to trade!! Yes, I'll do it!! $.$*" After sitting at a corner desk with no help for 6 months, I realized that I've been scammed with commission deals to burn my 5k in commissions. I moved out from the office. I opened an account with Genesis Securities and began trading alone. After 1.5 years of trading everyday, I'm somewhat profitable meaning I can bearly pay my rent. Every night, I still dream about trading. I still love trading. I listen to bloomberg everyday. I do chart research everyday. I read the briefing everyday. But I can't do this forever unless I can make a decent living. Life is tough. And trading isn't helping. But I haven't given up the hope yet. My goal is hard to explain. I wish its purely financial. But there are other issues such as I want to be completely mind-free when I'm trading. (I am not sure if I'm explaining this right). I don't want to be so completely stressed out as I am all the time. I wish I can make enough consistently profitable trade to not fear the outcome of my trading.