straddles... how do they make money?

He knows something you don't: He only buys OTM options.

 

For a big move, a strangle might blow the straddle out of the water in terms of ROI but not in terms of $$ profit... unless there was a distorted IV smile causing the straddle to cost more than the strangle premium plus the difference in strikes of one side (the vertical). Theoretically possible but practically, not.

 

The straddle is more profitable ($44.39 versus $33.87)

ROI is better for the strangle.

 

I'm convinced you're running a parody account at this point.