Stories that are no longer weird

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Riskmanager, Oct 21, 2003.

    by Chuck Shepherd Copyright 2003. All rights reserved.
    Updated: August 1, 2003

    The following kinds of stories were formerly weird, but they now occur with
    such frequency that they must be retired from circulation:

    1. an old, widely-advertised phone-sex number is reassigned to a
    2. suspicious package thought to be a bomb, turns out to be something stupid
    3. robber leaves his ID [wallet or appointment card for probation officer or etc.] at the scene
    4. peace/brotherhood conference erupts into violence
    5. robber on getaway accidentally hails unmarked police car
    6. political candidate dies but still wins the election
    7. family thinks he's dead, but he's not and attends his own funeral
    8. hunters shoot each other
    9. funeral home owner neglects/mixes up bodies
    10. "victimized" drug buyer complains to police that someone sold him weak or bogus drugs

    11. some countries prohibit giving children certain names
    12. in middle of an obvious drug raid, customer wanders up and asks cop if he can buy some drugs
    13. shoots himself while supposedly demonstrating gun safety
    14. global warming caused by animal methane
    15. burglar gets stuck in vent or chimney
    16. courthouse visitor/defendant inadvertently places contraband on the
    x-ray tables at entrance
    17. burglar falls asleep during job.
    18. family accidentally leaves behind a kid at a highway rest stop
    19. driver's license applicant crashes into examiner station before or during test
    20. [Oops! It's about the same as number 15]

    21. overdue-library-book scofflaws actually go to jail
    22. DUI tickets for "driving" a bicycle [or horse or riding lawn mower or etc.]
    23. starts fire because can't stop smoking even though hooked up to oxygen machine
    24. gasoline thieves check quantity in tank by using a match or lighter to peer inside
    25. older teacher/younger boy relationship
    26. firefighter with an arson habit [to keep in practice or to feel wanted or etc.]
    27. local election ends in tie, settled (by law) by coin flip or draw of cards
    28. Japanese men committing suicide because of overwork
    29. angry customer drives car right through store's front door
    30. heating-oil delivery to wrong house, resulting in flooded basement

    31. postal worker hoards mail because he's behind in delivering it
    32. bank robber hails taxi or municipal bus for getaway
    33. the annual student cheating riots in Bangladesh
    34. criminal on the lam goes on national tv talk show and mentions that he's wanted
    35. dog steps on gun, shooting the master
    36. pack of animals breaks into liquor cabinet or fermenting vat, get drunk
    37. a loved one died at home, but the relative never gets around to burying him or her
    38. school zero-tolerance policies for "weapons" that are purely, obviously ornamental
    39. amateur videographers set up miniature cameras in restrooms
    40. animal-hoarding (mostly of cats) women

    41. carjackers who never learned to drive stick shift and must abandon the car
    42. criminal suspect evading police, jumps in river to escape, and drowns
    43. young-looking adults impersonate teenagers and return to high school
    44. African nation's rumors of people with power to make penises disappear
    45. humongous abdominal cysts removed in surgery
    46. unlabeled urn with loved one's ashes mistakenly stolen or sold at yard sale
    47. husband takes his wife back even though she just tried to kill him
    48. judges punish young people by forcing them to listen to [classical or polka or etc.] music
    49. hit-and-run driver drives on and on with body or bicycle in grille or windshield
    50. criminal, cornered by police dog, bites the dog

    51. burglars leave footprints in snow, directly to their homes
    52. [Oops! It's about the same as number 48]
    53. video shoe-cams or smoke-detector-cams to spy on women
    54. Japanese making many silent hang-up telephone calls against former lover or business partner
    55. robber smashes store's surveillance "camera," but it's only the lens, and it captured his face
    56. inadvertently tries to cash a stolen personal check at the store [bank] where his victim works
    57. accidental bombing of house by airliner's "blue ice"
    58. elderly citizen trying to convince bureaucrat that, contrary to records, he's not really dead
    59. elderly motorist makes wrong turn, gets lost for days
    60. bands of criminals videotape their entire crime sprees for kicks, but makes it easy for cops

    61. parents frolic while their small kids are left home alone
    62. people trying to outrun police while driving slow-moving vehicles
    63. combining jellyfish gene to produce another plant or animal that glows
    64. imposter cop has car with flashing light, stopping motorists, accidentally stops real cop
    65. parents who leave their small kids locked in hot cars while they frolic
    66. inmates who advertise innocently for penpals on lonely-hearts pages on
    the Internet.

    Copyright 2003 by Chuck Shepherd,
  2. :D :D :D :D