Spontaneous Combustion Ham Ass Hotel

Discussion in 'Politics' started by LongSnot, May 18, 2003.

  1. LongSnot


    This is my proposal for Sharon and Abbas and all those who are making sincere efforts at peace negotiations in Israel.

    If you can't beat'em, join'em. No matter how much sincere effort is made by Jews and Moslems in Israel to try to work out through modern negotiations what should have been worked out in 1948 when the Arab nations decided rather to simply declare war on the state of Israel, the Hamas suicide bombers continue to insist on trying to derail the whole process by jiffy-popping themselves next to innocent bystander civilians. Sharon expresses anger and Abbas expresses sorrow. Abbas should, if he were in a more secure position, be expressing anger himself, at these people that are supposedly "his" people for whom he is making such efforts to secure a lasting peaceful solution, and who in return are just making his job as close to impossible as they can and blowing themselves up in the process. Must make him wonder why he is even bothering, trying to secure a peaceful future for a bunch of clowns who so willingly stomp out any degree of personal future for themselves by committing suicide at every chance. Abbas's position within the Palestinian hierarchy is fragile enough as it is, and he's hardly got the clout yet to make statements much bolder than expressions of sorrow. Arafat, of course (Abbas's general opponent), should be expressing this anger to stop the Hamas roaches. But he has shrugged this off, disclaiming personal responsibility for their acts. While it is true that Arafat cannot be held responsible for the actions of each and every individual, he could at least express some outrage at those who continue to derail the peace process. But Arafat has never been one to be fervently in favor of peace. He has however been a fervent supporter of violent insurgence. No matter, Arafat is penned up in his Roach Hotel compound. He checks in, but he can't check out. I'm sure he could check out, if he would change his stand on violence. Arafat has to do more than renounce violence, he must denounce it. Until he does, he's still a beacon for these suicide bombers.

    No amount of appeals for cessation of violence and efforts at sincere progress at negotiations makes a dent to stop the suicide bombers. The more the peace process is attempted, in fact, the more they insist on playing the puffball game. Meanwhile, even Abbas is trying to insist on easing of Israeli checkpoints. Ridiculous! Suicide bombers step up their insane game, and Israel is supposed to relax its checkpoints where they might at least attempt to filter such people from entering Jewish areas??

    Well, here is my proposal. Sort of a reverse-psychology approach. They don't want to stop blowing themselves up? Fine. Don't stop. Let them continue. Let's make it easier for those who have no respect for
    A. negotiations for peace, B. innocent civilians trying to live their lives, and C. their own worthless lives, to blow themselves as simply, as frequently, and as expediently as possible. Let the peace process begin with a joint agreement to construct a huge Mosque, specifically to attract Hamas and other suicide bombers. This mosque should be built to be sturdy enough to contain explosions, like however they create explosives lab areas. Call it The Mosque Of The Blessed Martyrs (with gigantic letters in Arabic of course). It could have a huge statue of Arafat right on the dome. Inside, there could be other explosives-resistant statues of Moses, Einstein, Marx, other famous Jews, as well as a rabbi and a young Jewish family, and a full-scale public bus full of (statue) passengers. The destination listed on the front of the bus could be Islamic Heaven. These decoys should attract all the frothing fanatical jihad martyrs into this roach hotel. Let them check themselves in and never check out. There could even be a photographic studio set up there (behind bomb-proof glass) so that eager martyrs could have themselves videotaped blowing themselves up in front of these statues and have the video sent back to their families and peer groups as their prideful souvenir of their heroic last act, designed to encourage others to follow their shining path to glory.

    That's basically my idea. A roach hotel for suicide bombers. Heck, the "souvenir" shop there could even provide explosives for those too poor or inept to bring their own, or in case of malfunction of their own home-made ones. A giant bug-light to attract all these wannabe heroes. And of course, plenty of promotion about how doing yourself up in this spontaneous combustion hotel will secure everlasting glory for you and your kin in the afterlife.

    And why not, sure, build this dome in the form of a giant Jiffy-Pop container.
    "Jihad-Pop, Jihad-Pop, the martyr treat. As much fun to make as it is to derail the entire peace process".
  2. Now that's what I call a long shot.

    Every freshman Muslim knows that Allah demands fresh <b><red> blood </b></red>.

    No infidel blood, no virgin whores.
  3. LongSnot


    Hey, we can hire the Universal Studios guys to do it up any way you want. Tankfulls of movie-set blood waiting to burst out on each explosion. Or even simpler, get the souvenir video productions to enhance the footage with computer-generated blood images.
  4. Clowns are a respectable people. Too long have we been given a bad name by such careless and derisive language as you have employed here. Shame on you. Your bomb will be arriving in the mail shortly. It'll be delivered by a sweating and nervous UPS man, marked "handle with care," and vibrating.
  5. LongSnot


    Woohoo! My vibrator arrived in the mail! :p

    (hmm, the UPS guy sure has big shoes and a very reddish nose)

    I figured he was into hip-hop, when he said "dis is da bomb".
  6. LongSnot


    I realize you're having one of your really low days, Pussycat, but you just revealed the real nature of your redneck mentality. You don't have to want to support Israel financially or otherwise, you don't even have to like Jews, but when you express it the way you have, well honestly you'll find a heck of a lot of company on Yahoo.
  7. LongSnot


    In case anyone thinks I was making light of this situation, attempting to trivialize or derive humor from the insanity going on in Israel, I was not. I am absolutely serious. Even about the Jiffy-Pop design.

    In all the discussions that people normally have about issues like capital punishment, euthanasia, abortion, that involve people's values about the justifiability or unjustifiability of taking a human's life or allowing them to take their own, there are arguments worth considering on both sides.

    But in this insane suicide bomb garbage, there simply isn't a second side to the issue. The two sides of these debates are usually "the sanctity of life" vs. "live and let die" arguments.

    If it seems callous to suggest that an arena be constructed for these self-combusting maniacs to blow themselves to bits in, I have to ask: "why?" Why is it callous. Should I feel compelled to try to do everything imaginable to try to save the lives of these suicide bombers, out of the concern of "the sanctity of life"? The only thing to be accomplished by trying to postpone the death of suicide bombers is that they are forced to postpone their own self-annihilation and given the opportunity to take more innocent lives when they do get back to their goal.

    Even most of the worst heinous guilty-as-charged criminals on death row at least have a desire to live that liberal minded people can extend their sense of mercy toward.

    But these suicidal maniacs? What is there to extend toward them? The most merciful thing to offer them is a safe place where they can do what they're "heaven"-bent on doing in spite of anything you might try to do to stop them. Creating a Roach Hotel for them is certainly the merciful thing to do for all the innocents that these bombers are intent on taking down with them. And when they cross to the other side, >if there is another side<, and they find that the rewards are not what their particular fanatical branch of Islam has promised them, I believe the most merciful thing that we can do for the suicide bombers is to allow them to cross that gate without the blood of innocents on their heads.

    Maybe the Samaritans should open a new specialized Arab-language branch in Israel. I honestly believe that. Maybe if these hammy asses simply had a phone number they could call where they could be talked out of the bullshit they've been brainwashed with, it might even save just a couple of them from themselves, and in the process save dozens more innocent Israeli (and others who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong moment) lives.

    And the Jiffy-Pop design? Why should I be serious about that? Because designing the self-annihilation arena as a popcorn pan would be intended to show those who would enter it just how ridiculous and meaningless their actions are. Yeah, the Jiffy-Pop design is intended to trivialize, not the issue itself, but the act itself. Because the issue is deadly serious. The need to point out the absurd pointlessness of their actions in contrast to their notions of the actions' grandeur and glory, is quite serious.
  8. I think the hardest part would be convincing these maniacs to step foot into the roach motel. Their goal is murder & nihilism. Clearly they would fall short of their goals by blowing themselves up without murdering anyone.

    Now, if they could be fooled into <b>thinking</b> they're murdering people....