Well in a post-party hung over fog I said something hurtful to her and probably sealed my fate. I don't know, it is probably a good thing. I don't know why she is with this guy, I can't wait forever, I only get one life. I tried and I failed. Perhaps her hating me is the only other way for me to move on. That being said, I am afraid to trade tomorrow. I was watching the online movie "Floored," about floor traders. One guy says that as soon as you think you're there, you lose. As soon as you think you're over some hump, you get smacked. It is important to remain humble, remain focused on the changes I've made. Do not slip back into bad habits. Do not become self-destructive over this. There are other girls in the world. I was in love once before and I eventually moved on. Maybe this will be the start of something good. I've been miserable for months, dwelling on this. Be selective, take profits, attack good ideas. Haha, there was a one point blast in EL today, wish I was there for that... Afternoon 94 break, phew.
Epic quote! Seriously though you have got to stop caring about the outcome with the girls in your life. It feels like its your whole world, but as soon as you learn how, it is easier to bring new girls into your life than fix broken friend zone relationships with girls you already blew out. Try being a little more self absorbed and a little less interested, like the jackass that girl picked instead of you. Maybe this is your problem with the size-up trades: you care too much about the outcome of whatever huge trade you put on. Girls and the market see right through that stuff. By the way, I think your life outside of trading is a HUGE factor for success in trading. Bring your focus back to the things you can control like exercise, nutrition, reading, practice, and execution. Immerse yourself in these and realize the outcomes are the byproduct. You're already good at doing this, except where the stakes are high. And one other thing, forget about this going for "attainable" girls nonsense. If you catch yourself thinking "I might actually have a chance with her" then you already lost.
I too found the "Floored" series interesting but a lot of those guys come off as washed up, over-dramatized and tired. Tired that after 15-20 years of making massive amounts of "easy" dough (inside the system), they're forced to find new edges, learn, etc. A good watch, nonetheless. Dramatized or not, I wouldn't want to piss off some of those dudes. And per your female...issues, if you will, have a read of the following blog. The guy is extreme but I know you'll be able to relate to some of it. If nothing else, it should give you a laugh. www.rooshv.com Cheers.
Yeah, I do worry about the outcome even if I know the trade is solid. I guess I feel the universe is out to get me. If I size up, I'm being greedy, and the universe will screw me. I know this is not true. Only way to do it, is to just do it. As far as my life outside of trading... Well I have my table tennis for exercise and competition. I have a 400 page series 56 study guide to pound through. And I have 2 other books waiting in line to be read, including the one I just bought about getting laid. Quitting my second job would be the absolute best thing for me, but I simply can't yet. I'm stuck there.
8/16/11 Gross: -132 Shares: 13,400 Net: -192 --------------------------- Not an easy day. I think the easiest money today was in the NYX selloff, which I screwed up due to P&L woes. I was down like -260 gross when the news came. I shorted 27.56 as the price did not bounce with the market. Sick entry. It began to work, felt good, did a quick little jig above my entry, stopped me out and then ran. Ouch. I had to keep a tight stop due to the extension of the price. I knew the stock would go lower, I just did not want to incur irrational pain or trigger my daily stop loss. I later traded NYX at lamer entries, and pretty much botched it. I knew the thing was headed lower, that news is significant. The other trade I blew was ALB. I shorted it this morning at 57.69 lol. Scalped that. Shorted again at 56.18 above the whole. I was expecting the MAs to hold and the price to trend lower below 56. Got stopped out on a wick up. Ugh. VIT failed 14 breakout. Those were the only trades that set up. Everything else was rubbish. Shorted VECO as it broke 36. Decent looking setup. Began to work then blasted up stopping me out. This market isn't easy, up down up down up down. It will look like it wants to break lower, then it catches a bid. Looks like it can fill the gap, and finds resistance. The tax news should have had a larger impact. Financial transaction tax will completely change the markets. If it hits the United States, all us day traders are done for. Tried HDB bear flag short this morning. Flag failed and stopped me out. Wish I had kept watching it because it looks like it met a single seller at 32.28 which would have been a great re-entry. ---------------- But yeah, I knew coming in today it wouldn't be pretty. I am mentally distraught. I don't understand what the market is doing up here. I feel we should have had a down day by now. I feel edgeless. I get the basic concept. We sold off below the market range, a natural sell off. Then US downgrade news came out and exaggerated the move. There is no major Lehman type catalyst out there to create another panic move lower. If we do test lows, it will be a technical grind down. Bear market action. I'd like to think the bull move is severely damaged and that highs will be sold. I've been looking for selling to hit the market, and it hasn't happened. I don't feel confident buying anything, I keep looking at the short side. It is a new market that I have not been exposed to in my day trading career. The lack of earnings stocks has me edge-lessly trotting around a market being pushed back and forth by computers. I could have made money in URBN today, and other things, I just try to avoid gambling near the open. -------------------------- The only true response to today I can come up with... is to understand that these computer driven doji days are not my market. I need to wait for solid action, like that in NYX, and avoid getting caught in computer generated, fake price patterns. Just because I can't find trades, I should not lower my selectivity to allow crap to hit my P&L. Patience. Today's losses were expected. I play table tennis today, that will help me release some anger. Tomorrow, understand the level of selectivity you must have in this type of market. I should only attack if the market finally begins doing what I expect it to. Right now, it seems people are on the sidelines, and algorithms are doing all the work.
8/17/11 Gross: +386 Shares: 9,400 Net: +344 ------------------------- Needed today for my confidence. I now realize, I am a middle-aged good looking adult male. What is there to be so down about? For the first time since I began, I'll admit I wanted to go outside and shed some tears. I bought 500 FTNT at average price 21 due to the buyout chatter. I bought dips, watched the market, it was perfectly entered. It ran. I took 100 off at 21.47 and another 100 off at 21.74. I saw a EDGX buyer lifting the thing. I knew once he left, a pullback would occur. However, when I took the trade I was looking at 22 as my target. I felt FTNT was oversold as it was. Anyway, I anticipated a pullback, and I was ready to deal with it. Unfortunately, FTNT pulled all the way back to 21. My bigtime morning trade was gone. I was incredibly upset and down. My 250+ unrealized day was now a 80+ gross minus commissions day. Pretty much everything else I touched this morning was a loser except for FTNT. My other morning trade was CTRN which was held up by a buyer at 11.65. I hit him and then added as he showed up again and the market began to sell off. Covered at 35 cents, 22 cents, and then on a bounce to 33. I didn't want my profits to escape, hah. I had a bid out at 15 cents but the flutter up came before it printed. Morning was a distaster, I had one trade that worked well (CTRN) and another trade that I should have had trailing stops on (FTNT). Finally the market presented opportunity. Retail and the clouds came into play, both sold off, and produced second legs down. Shorted DECK on a crazy clean bear flag at 84.50. Covered at 83.85 I only had 100 shares because DECK can move. Bought DECK for a bounce as the market bounced and selling slowed. Sellers were holding it down. I bought as they broke at 83.64 and 83.77, and sold at 84.30 and 84.40. I held half to try and get a move to 85, but weakness came back in. I sold my last half to a buyer holding DECK up during the market's next push down. Good outs, well traded. BEXP.... I hunted for shorts. I began to feel this could finally be the day where the market tries to roll over. Shorted BEXP in the 30.90s. It began to work, I covered a third at 30.55. It bounced. My target was 30, at least. I added on its bounce back up at the 90s. It tried to sell back down several times, but produced higher lows, which I wasn't excited about. Market made new lows and BEXP did not. Eventually I exited in the upper 70s in case the market was bottoming. Like 3 minutes later, BEXP FINALLY made it back down to the 50 cent area. Ouch, $120 opportunity cost. Those are the only important trades to discuss today. Had a few scalps, a few stop outs. But I fell into the zone, the market was behaving quite reasonably. Unfortunately, we did not tank. I'm waiting for the market to tank. Anyway, today put me at fresh P&L highs for the month, not by much, but I made back everything I lost in the last two days. My winning day was big enough to outsize my recent losing days, which is a good sign. ------------------------- I have shown myself that I can have a good day outside of earnings season. I can do this by waiting for good ideas. An entire sector came in play today, and I had edge, I felt market flow. I could have gotten bigger. Now the test is to see if I can improve on my consistency outside of earnings season. It would be nice to finish $500 higher by the close of Friday and finish the week strong. This would help me out with my mental agony through the weekend. ----------------------- I am going to Vegas NEXT weekend. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and coming home Monday. August 26-29 I need a vacation, hopefully I find some resolve on my trip. I am going to avoid the casino until late Saturday or Sunday afternoon. I want to enjoy myself rather than worry about profits and losses and making money. So if any Las Vegas traders want to buy me dinner or a lapdance, you are more than welcome to. Message me for my cell number. I am going with a group of friends for a birthday, however, we all tend to split up as some of us gamble and others do not. If you live in Las Vegas we should get a drink, talk markets and look at females. Everyone else, look for me on TMZ and E!!! with Holly Madison. They'll be like "HEY HOLLY WHO'S THE NEW GUY??" She'll be like, "um he is ksmetana the famous noob day trader his august win rate is 41% and i lik that in a man and sometimes he wears a pocket protector that is cute lol <333"
8/18/11 Gross: +238 Shares: 5,800 Net: +212 ------------------------ Not bad for a half day. Could have gotten bigger because I fell into the zone. My big regret for the day is Children's Place... PLCE. I saw that bull flag at 39.50. Relative strength. I bought 39.50. I sold at 39.47 as the market fluttered down. I began thinking if the seller held, it would be a good short if the market made a new low. I shorted. Got stopped out as it broke 39.50. nooooo!!!!! Anyway, the cloud was in play today. I also bought a dip in CACI that worked nicely. Had a silly trade in SNDK that could have easily been prevented. But yeah, PLCE was the trade of the day and I missed it. ------------------------------- Note: This is the last day I will post my blotter. I feel I am falling into things, I am more consistent now. I do not wish to expose my edge any more. This journal will be overweight on my losing positions, market read, and ways to improve. If I experience a drawdown, I will bring things back to normal. I am far from perfect, but I know I am good enough to do this. It comes down to discipline. Still need to find my balls. ------------------------------ I also need to study for the series 56....