Sirius Radio

So I got sick and tired of listening to Puerto Rican radio stations down here. I understand Spanish now, so it's not about that. But after a while the constant shouting of Spanish on the radio begins to resemble the whining of a mosquito. My solution? Sirius Sat Radio.

After searching endlessly for someone to install it here in Puerto Rico, I finally gave up and installed it myself. I mean, these guys can get into your car, hot wire and steal it in under 30 seconds. No one ever thought to open a car audio installation business?

So I call Sirius. They tell me they cannot assure me that it will work in Puerto Rico. But on the bottom of the service card that comes in the package, I see that the phone number I'm calling goes to the customer service center in the Dominican Republic - one island over. So I say "don't you have the service?" And the girl tells me that she doesn't own a car, but every one she knows who has a car has the service. So I guess it works.

So when she's selling me the package, she tells me "And today, we have a special. You can add the Playboy channel to your programming for just an extra $2.99 a month. Having suffered horribly from my experience at Home Depot earlier, and still reeling from the loss of brain cells, I almost said yes. But then I thought.

Ivan: "Did you say Playboy channel?"

Girl: "Yes."

Ivan: "But this is radio, right?" I frown.

Girl: "That's right."

Ivan: "What could possibly be so interesting about a radio channel of Playboy. I mean, isn't the whole point of naked women actually seeing them naked?"

Girl: "So you don't want the channel?"

Ivan: "I'd like to understand why you even think this would be something anyone would want."

Girl: "I don't make the channels, sir. I just sell them."

Ivan: "And have you ever successfully sold the Playboy radio channel before?"

Girl: "Oh yes, lots of times."

Ivan: "More proof of the stupidity running rampant in the world."

Playboy radio. What's next? The "Sounds of Porn" channel?

 

Weird, wild stuff... Maybe they have professional voice actors / actresses read all those articles (and jokes and authentic readers' letters) on the air?

Playboy Radio: Come for the articles. Stay for... oh, never mind, just cum.