Shill Securities Aquires Mr. Market

Discussion in 'Politics' started by TM_Direct, May 14, 2003.

  1. UPDATE 1-Shill Securities shares hit year high after Mr. Market deal
    May 14, 2003 4:24:00 PM ET
    CHICAGO, May 13 (Reuters) Shill Securities’ (SHIL) shares soared to a year high on Tuesday, a day after the maker of false promises and self serving comments agreed to acquire the assets and talents of both Mr. Market Enterprises and Associates (MEATS) and his web site, Challenging Enterprises Systems (CHEESE)
    SHILL shares rose as much as 177 percent to $3.30 and was the largest percentage gainer on the Nosdaq exchange. They closed up $1.74, or 146 percent, at $2.93 on Tuesday.
    Analysts said SHiILL was boosting its market share in on line trading field, making it a stronger rival to Aphex Industries.
    Shill Securities late on Monday said it had agreed to acquire MR. MARKET businesses for three easy payments of $39.99…But that’s not all. They also spun off their Bagel Cutter division which will now be headed directly by Mr. Market.
    ABOUT Shill Securities: Shill is the foremost provider of false promises, self promotion and sly efforts to attract unwitting investors and traders alike by posting rates and other promises that will never be achieved.
    Mr. Market is an acclaimed stock market analyst who has now made 15 consecutive profitable trades dating back to 1973.
    “ It’s a match made in heaven,” said Shill CEO, Ben Dover. “ We have made a business out of sly self promotion and flat out lies about our rates and services, but now that Mr. Market is here we can utilize his expertise in telling white lies instead of flat out lying”
    Please contact Haywood Jablowmie, VP of Public Relations for a transcript
     
  2. UPDATE 1-Shill Securities suspends Mr. Market deal
    May 14, 2003 4:24:00 PM ET
    Reuters: New York
    Mr. Market, president and CEO of (MEAT) and (CHEES) has called off the proposed buyout of his companies by Shill Securities, inc ( SHILL). He released this announcement though his personal Spokeswoman, Ms. Alice Vulva. When asked to comment, Alice would only say Mr. Market was upset at certain content in the news release. When pressed further for comment, Alice mentioned she enjoys long walks on the beach, Camping and Shaving Mr. Markets back.
    ABOUT Shill Securities: Shill is the foremost provider of false promises, self promotion and sly efforts to attract unwitting investors and traders alike by posting rates and other promises that will never be achieved.
    Mr. Market is an acclaimed stock market analyst who has now made 15 consecutive profitable trades dating back to 1973.
    Shill CEO, Ben Dover also refused to comment and instead asked that everyone contact contact Haywood Jablowmie, VP of Public Relations or his assistant, Ms. Wilma Dickfit.
    According to unnamed sources Mr. Market was furious at “white lies” being attributed to his name in the initial press release.
     
  3. mrmarket
    Member



    Registered: Oct 2002
    Posts: 98
    I laughed
    until you called me a liar. I'm outta here.

    Ernie
     
  4. Yeah, I just looked and listened to his new venture, a radio station playing music on demand until it froze up.

    This man sure has talents TM-Direct.

    He can succeed in anything he turns his hand to. He is an engineer by profession but is equally adept at making mullah trading shares, being a disc jockey and radio station manager and is also skillfully equipped to market meat and cheeses in a delicatessen.

    What is it you don't like about him ?

    I guess you are upset because you must have missed out on getting some shares allocated in his most recent venture.

    freealways
     
  5. Im just pissed because I was holding a ton of MEAT stock and CHEES stock......I could have made a bundle if the merger went through......It was right there in my hands...I was patiently holding my MEAT and getting ready to unload my CHEES.....I've decided to hold onto my MEAT for as long as possible....My wife thinks i must be crazy....She's always yelling at " Will you let go of your MEAT?"...or " Im tired of your MEAT, I want to try something else"....But how can I just let my MEAT go? I feel attached to it. like it's part of me....Oh well, maybe the deal will go through and i will rejoice by finally unloading my MEAT on somebody and with a little luck Ill be able to push out my CHEES on the back of some unsuspecting sucker..:(