Request for Change of Status

Discussion in 'Politics & Religion' started by Lucrum, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. Lucrum

    Lucrum

    I assume this is intended as a joke of sorts. But as with many jokes there is an element of truth to it.



    The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
    309 Hart Senate Office Building
    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senator Sarbanes,

    As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal
    Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.
    Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by
    the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
    provisions is accurate , as an illegal alien who has been in the United
    States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a
    $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
    good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
    burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
    insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have
    college age children driving my car.
    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
    illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I
    would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,
    John Smythe