Republicans: Trillions Could Be Cut from Budget if We Eliminate Empathy

Bold new Republican plan:

WASHINGTON: Speaking on behalf of congressional Republicans, House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) said today that trillions could be cut from the Federal budget if Congress can agree to eliminate empathy.

“The current budget is bursting at the seams with pet projects that reek of empathy,” Rep. Cantor said. “As a nation, we can no longer afford to spend money on people’s basic survival needs like a bunch of drunken sailors.”

Rep. Cantor noted that “the word ‘empathy’ comes from the Greek word ‘pathos,’ meaning ‘pathetic’ – and that’s exactly what helping people is: pathetic.”

“We Americans should get out of the habit of using Greek words,” he added. “Look where it’s gotten the Greeks – straight into bankruptcy.”

Once congressional Republicans eliminate such empathy-laden budget items as lunches for poor children, medicine for the indigent and oxygen for seniors, Rep. Cantor said, “We can move from cutting empathy to cutting humanity.”

With humanity removed from the budget, he said, “That’s where the real savings come in.”

By eliminating the food, medicine and oxygen necessary to sustain human life, “We will reduce the single biggest drain on the U.S. economy: people.”

Ending on an optimistic note, Rep. Cantor said that by eliminating people, “by the middle of this century the United States will be successfully transformed into one big unmanned Predator drone.”

Elsewhere, presidential candidate Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) today visited historic Monticello, which she called “the home of Jeffrey Dahmer.”

The Borowitz Report)
www.borowitzreport.com/2011/06/29/r...d-be-cut-from-budget-if-we-eliminate-empathy/

 

Is this for real? This is what the top political class produces? It's so much worse than I thought...

 

Unfortunately, empathy is a major part of our budget deficit and national debt problem.

Too much has been given and promised to too many in exchange for their vote... more than can possibly be delivered... and when the inevitable cuts come, there will be street riots just like in Greece.

People getting government subsidies should not be allowed to vote themselves subsidies and benefits at the expense of others.

 

Government is a jobs program for white losers with Master's degrees in Political Science, Sociology, Social Work, Education and Public Policy, who go work in the various bureaucracies managing state and federal programs. Let those morally-preening douchebags get some real skills and do real work and pay some taxes that don't just get recycled and come back to them as paychecks, then come back to me and talk about "empathy".

 

Does that go for corporations too?

 

There have been outrageous abuses in both Social handouts and Corporate welfare. Both are wrong. Neither is justification for the other.

 

"The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." -Einstein

 

Funny, well done.