Random

I had a splitting headache
from which the future is made

 

No, it was intentional.

 

Do you mean your head began hurting because you were chopping wood or because you broke up with your girlfriend, or you were splitting in some other way?

 

That sucks.

 

If I'm standing with one foot in the Pacific time zone and one foot in the Mountain time zone and someone asks me what time it is, how do I honestly answer them?

 

Are you asking me to transform my abstract statement into something concrete? Wouldn't that lessen the experience for the reader?

You make some funny points though, I'll give you that. Vacuuming literally does suck, but it sucks less than the one that used to do if for me. Although, she also sucked in quite enjoyable ways...

 

It depends on which arm your wristwatch is on!

 

I woke up this morning and I got myself a beer.
The future's uncertain, and the end is always near....

 

I briefly contemplated buying a safari suit, once.
Just once.

 

I respect a country that calls its currency the dong and doesn't take any shit for it.