Psst. Al Ciabades is an Eromenos, pass it on

Xanthip-hip-hooray: Sock Red-Tees don’t drink it! I’m sorry I emptied that chamber pot on you. I was PMSing. And that cake I trampled? I can get a new one, bigger, with more icing. Look all your friends are here, ready to party Playdoh, Arista Funnies, Xenophile, and the twins, Thusee Diddles and Aris Dawdles.

Sock Red-Tees: Sorry Xanny dearest, but you, being so young and supple, you have no idea the rigors of old age.

Xanthip-hip-hooray: Look, I got hold of some of those little blue pills! No more worries. Let’s go, come on. I looked past the fact that you are short and dumpy, because you were a stallion, and can be again.

Sock Red-Tees: I have drunk the hemlock, my toes are numb. Death is near but I am unafraid. Crito, come closer. Crito, we owe a cock to Asclepius. Please, don’t forget to pay the debt.

Xanthip-hip-hooray: Asclepius? Asclepius? Are you kidding me? What about me, your horny wife? Do you know how hard it is to get batteries in this day and age?

 

Tipsy, you mock me in public! Why? You know where I am tonight! A simple PM to the aquarium and I would have lavished more and better attention on you than all of ET coudst muster. Why! Why! Why canst thou not be Galatea to my Pygmalion? Why canst thou not let me be Bete to thy Belle? Surely thou dost not believe the slanders about me and boys? Oh, Xannie! None other hath fathomed the identity of my friend Al! For years has he posted and none have comprehended his disservice to ET! Indeed I am old. And ugly. And short. And fat. And pug-nosed. And often I trance in the fields. But stay with me. Oft have we two been incarnated together throughout the centuries. To torment, and to love, each other. I beg you, make me not recite our identities throughout the ages to this unworthy foule! Make me not do disservice to the memory of Noble Siddhatta and the Beautiful Yasodhara! To John and Salome. To Joshua and Madeleine. To Mahomet and Fatima. You and I are MAN and WOMAN! Do you not remember me, Shamhat? I am your beloved Enkidu! Ours is the world's oldest love story, older even than that of Adam and Eve.