PFIZER announces new drug for Hedge Fund Managers

Discussion in 'Wall St. News' started by Bsulli, May 25, 2006.

  1. Bsulli


    Pfizer Inc (PFE) announced today that the FDA has approved a new drug, Trythinking, which will help hedge fund managers and other investors cope with a host of maladies.

    One of the most common diseases among hedge fund managers is Monthitis which prevents those afflicted with it from thinking about consequences and events that stand to occur after the end of upcoming calendar month, which is when results are typically reported to partners. In clinical trials, patients on Trythinking had a median holding period for their investments of 2 days vs. 42 minutes for those on the placebo.

    According to a Pfizer spokeswoman, Trythinking also helps managers deal with Copycat Syndrome, a complex nervous system malfunction that prevents its sufferers from reaching independent conclusions. Copycat Syndrome was apparently first found in sheep and then later transferred to humans.

    One money manager who requested anonymity stated, "This new drug could be interesting but only if it lifts Pfizer's earnings this quarter." When asked if he would consider going on Trythinking, the manager replied, "Possibly, I'll need to see what everybody else is doing first."

  2. AgaHill