<iframe name="embedded" allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen frameborder="no" width="480" height="270" scrolling="no" src="http://www.theonion.com/video_embed/?id=216"></iframe><br /><a href="http://www.theonion.com/video/obama-drastically-scales-back-goals-for-america-af,14343/" target="_blank" title="Obama Drastically Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's">Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.</a>
CHARLOTTE, NCâWith the savage roar of the heathen Democratic horde rising all around him, President Barack Obama delivered an incendiary speech to close his partyâs national convention Thursday night, commanding the ultraprogressive minions in attendance to help him âdestroy Jesus and usher in a new age of liberal darkness that shall reign oâer the earth for a thousand years.â The thunderous 45-minute addressâduring which the president argued for a second term so that he could âfinally kill Jesus once and for all, as well as all those who worship himââwas well received by the frenzied, wild-eyed audience, whose piercing chants of âFour more years!â and âSlaughter the believers!â echoed throughout the Time Warner Cable Arena. âMy fellow Americans and godless infidels, I command you to join me as we cast an endless pall of far-left evil across the hills and valleys of our nation!â Obama bellowed from the stage, as thousands in attendance moaned in compliance and gyrated their hips and groins in a lascivious dance. âTogether, as a barbarian people forged by the wicked flames of irreligiosity and united by visions of a liberal dystopia, we will rise up as one to scorch the earth with boundless amorality.â âThe streets shall run red with the blood of forced sodomy, performed daily upon every American man, woman, and child!â the commander-in-chief shouted, froth forming around his mouth as the crowd threw hundreds of aborted fetuses onto the stage. âDie, Christians, die!â Slamming his fists on the lectern until his hands began to bleed, Obama proceeded to lay out a âthree-point plan of sin and lecheryâ for his second term. If reelected, the president said, he would begin by banning organized religion entirelyâstarting with Christianityâand burning all churches to the ground, preferably âwith their wretched, Jesus-loving congregants still huddled inside like rats.â As members of the audience violently tugged at their genitals and howled like sex-starved, atheist wolves, Obama stated that his administration would then seek to make free, taxpayer-funded abortions legal at any stage of pregnancy, even up to one full year after birth, in order to supply his newly created âfederal stem-cell harvesting plantsâ with raw materials. In addition, the cackling president vowed to âend traditional marriage as we know itâ by passing legislation that would allow only homosexuals to raise children, a longtime Democratic policy goal. âA glorious new age of sinister, unconstrained liberalism is dawning! Oh, dear Satan, I can feel it coursing through my veins at this very moment!â shrieked Obama, ripping off his shirt to reveal an ornate tattoo of a pentagram, with a different homosexual act positioned at each of the starâs five points. âAgnosticism, contempt for human life, and radical sexual experimentation shall rule the day! Any good, virtuous, family-values-oriented Christian Americans who seek to topple our magnificent liberal kingdom of eternal darkness will be powerless to stop us! We will crush them!â Added Obama, âThank you, may Satan reward you all, and may God tremble in fear at the United States of America!â The president was then handed an unbaptized, orphaned newborn baby drenched in the blood of 666 slaughtered Christians, which he handed over to its new, gleefully squealing homosexual parents. <a href=http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-help-us-destroy-jesus-and-start-a-new-age-of,29478/>The Other Side Of The Story - Good Day!</a>
I guess you must have loved this thread then. Or, wait - are you the one who is dull-witted? Or maybe dim-witted and toss stupid in there too!