After I entered at 1525.5, it made it all the way to 31X31.5, at which point I felt like bashing my head in. However, no contracts traded at 31.5, so that was a consolation.
This journal is starting to get pathetic. I've lost a little under 40 points since Friday afternoon. It seems to me that since last Thursday afternoon, all I have been doing is blindly shorting. It seems that I've abandoned my system and have been completely ignoring the tape. Now if a trade isn't working out, my solution is to just hold it longer. When I actually trade, I tend to do great. But every so often I'll slip into a gambling cycle, and that is where I am now. On January 21, I made my "Looking ahead..." post, and ever since then I have been basing all of my trading decisions off of it. Like it was gospel or something. To make matters worse, I've become some sort of ego-maniac on ET and its rubbing off on my trading. Who really cares how much talent I have? What difference does it make how well I can read the tape if I don't even apply it? I'll bet that I have the worst two day record of anybody here. Some trader all right. Looking back, my postings seem to be overly dramatic/emotional. Also, it seems like I'm desperate for attention/recognition for my trading abilities. To be perfectly honest, it's true. Yesterday evening it occurred to me that I wish someone would just yell at me for my poor performance, like a boss threatening to fire me if it happened again or something like that. But somewhere along the line it seems that I have put myself in a position where I am beyond reproach. I have an answer/explanation/excuse for everything, and who can question it? On the surface I try to portray an image of humility, but deep down I'm as arrogant as anyone. Why do I believe that I have an infallible intellect? Anyway, I realized that my trading problems are not problems related to trading. Trading successfully doesn't seem to be enough. I'm looking for trading to provide me with something it can't give; at least not without great cost. I hope that this is something I will be able to overcome. In the meantime, I apologize for my arrogance and I'm sorry for always sounding like a whiny little self-centered bastard. In the future, feel free to call me on it.
Now that you've beaten yourself up, vow to be disciplined and to write down the rules of your system and follow them religiously. When a friend and I would talk and our trading wasn't going well we would threaten to fire our traders (ourselves). So fire that guy that's trading for you now and hire the guy in you that follows YOUR rules.
BOT 1525 CLOSE 11:57:19 I don't think this trade really ever got started, but I didn't think it was a good idea to keep it.
BOT 1512 OPEN SLD 1510.5 CLOSE I'm really nervous right now. I think I'll try for one more 2-3 pointer and then call it quits for the day.