Hypostomus, It was my pleasure to assist you in starting the marketing of your now famous and infallible hyposculator. Have you measurbated how the hyposculator will work very well together with the trading clock? It's like magic! The aspirant traders will now be able to whack the market (or is it the other way round, am confused now with all this grobLeDeGook, never mind) and can start ordering their private jet and island. And all these boobiful women that will cum on their doorsteps! I am jealous now, I better order the code for your hyposculator, I'll PM your for the payment details. Do you take PayPal? (PS is it available on installments?) Sherlock
Yes, but nobody wants your stuff while Jack, on the other hand, has the biggest following on ET (if you don't believe me, ask him)! So to paraphrase Lloyd Bentsen: Hypostomus, I've been on Usenet with Jack Hershey. I've been on ET with Jack Hershey. I know Jack Hershey from his posts. And Hypostomus, you're no Jack Hershey.
Hi, ET! My name is Joe Doaks, and I'm the Senior Vice President of Product Development for Hypenterprises Associates International. Earlier this week we previewed for ET traders only the Hyposculator indicator for SCT-Extended. Just five minutes ago we completed coding and optimization of a companion volatility envelope, trade-named the Hypenvelope. Unlike Bollinger and Keltner bands, Hypenvelope is not moving average based. In fact, there is nothing average about it at all. Now in a single window you have everything you need to trade index futures intraday. We guarantee that this simplified version works as well as or better than SCT-Unextended or we will cheerfully buy the product back from you, provided you supply notarized written proof that you took the other side of our trades. NEITHER of these valuable trading tools is available from PlayStation, EasySignal, or any other charting service. Both will be available shortly as add-ons to EasySignal for lease by the hour or for outright purchase of unlocked code which we defy you to understand. (Product disclaimer: volatility becomes more volatile the more volatile the markets get. That's why they call it volatility. Therefore the preset product volatility definition may over- or under-estimate volatility under real trading conditions. We are developing a product enhancement which only requires some market volatility for us to optimize its adaptive optimization.)
How can anything possibly work as well as Jack Hershey's SCT? Caveat emptor: if it seems too good to be true...
Greetings, gentle beings throughout the world of trading! I am pleased to introduce myself as Rahula Gautama, Vice President of Customer Service for Hypenterprises International! Those of you with a literary bent surely will recognize the noble origins of my name. Due to the unexpected demand for technical support for the Hyposculator Indicator and the Hypenvelope Volatility Band, we have off-shored to my beloved India. Our Gold Standard objective is to reduce wait times to 30 minutes or less, and to increase overall customer satisfaction to at least 50%. We are also taking over product development, and have moved famous American Appalachian algorithmicist Joe Doaks to Mumbai so we can pay him what he is worth. Further, we are thrilled to announce our latest product inspired by our revered founder, the Hypolatility Estimator. This product fills a void in the Hershey canon by advising you when to stand aside. These are convenient times to take a squat break. Attached is an example on the catechismal five minute chart. You should not trade when the color fuchsia appears (what E-Signal so quaintly calls "fushcia", one supposes to genteelly help you avoid mispronouncing it as "fucksia"). We are confident that traders looking for a way to make some sense of SCT will find this new tool to be a valuable adjunct the venerated method.
We are working with a venjence (the hallmark of a proper ET guru seems to be the inability to spell, so I am getting with the program) on product development. My adopted son Rahula (his father left home and family to become an ascetic) failed to mention in his enthusiasmic message that we are about to release another new product, the Hypestimator. It is an alternative to the moving average, since the Elite Trader abhors and eschews anything average. SCT purists will argue that this product does not fit the SCT model. Our counterargument is that everything else imaginable is in SCT, so it must just be an oversight.
Uh, boss...please stick to the figurehead PR side of things. Our next product, now in epsilon testing (it failed beta, gamma, and delta) is the Hypautomator. It is an automatic trade generator designed for SCT traders whom can't make up their minds how to weight and integrate pace, channel behavior, DOM, INDU-ES stretch/squeeze, stochastics, P/V, MACD, DU, VDU, BO, two-pair etc. to make a trading decision. The Hypautomator removes all that uncertainty by generating a random entry and a random hold or exit signal, in the confident knowledge that SCT traders are accomplished at "washing" for no loss at all times, regardless of the spread or slippage. An example is attached. The epsilon-test version uses the familiar "green-light-go, red-light-stop" helper format. We are currently seeking epsilon testers for the product. We are eager to gain new testers, as we have not been able to reach our beta-, gamma- and delta-testers recently. Oddly, their phones have all been disconnected, their e-mail providers error message us back "addressee not found", and our snail mail is returned "no longer at this address".
Doaks, you fucking idiot! Do I have to do everything myself? We're paying you ten rupees a day plus all the Kingfisher you can swill. Tell Yasodara in payroll you AND Rahula are fired! Attached is the alpha-test version of the Hypestimator (in red, bolded for ease of viewing by the senior citizens who dominate the SCT crowd). The 20-period (no, 20 periods is not 20 months, it is the number of samples used in the calculation) simple MA, preferred by many simple ET traders (and I DO refer to you, T-DOGG) is shown for comparison (in blue). The advantage of the Hypestimator is that you get a number immediately, no waiting for 20 periods (you know what a drag that can be). No matter that the initial estimate is meaningless. It is also more responsive than the equivalent SMA, and does not exhibit any of the peculiarities of the SMA due to data dropoff. The typical SCT trader's eye will be drawn to the bold bright red line, which we expect him to use primarily to locate where in the SCT chart constellation actual price is to be found, since that tends to be obscured by the other SCT parameters. Estimation theory experts will recognize it immediately as an alpha-type filter, better known as the poor man's Kalman. Its applicability to trading is that it is the optimum filter for a semi-infinite set of unknown conditions. It is often used by those not smart enough to figure out how to design a Kalman, but who want to enjoy the false confidence of using an estimator anyway. We will be offering this product free to licensed users of our other products, in the hope of modernizing trading by retiring the obsolete MA, which is almost as old as Jack. If I make enough money trading SCT on NQ tomorrow to pay the phone bill and the dial-up internet service, I will post the complete set of SCT-Extended chart studies.
Hypenterprises is overjoyed, bordering on multiply orgasmic, to announce the completion of the SCT-Extended Hypiracle Suite of stock index future trading studies for Easy-Signal. We call them studies because you will have to study them real hard to understand how to use them profitably. We call the suite Hypiracle because, like its inspiration, SCT-Unextended, the individual studies do not test with positive expectancy, but, mirabile dictu!, they all miraculously work together. In the attachment you can see how the suite enervatively provides the stock index futures trader everything he needs to know to make money flow. In the top pane we see the Hypestimator, the modern replacement for the averaging move. This is such an accurate estimator of price that we do not even need price any more, hence its suppression in the chart. We are assuming here that as experienced SCT-Unextended traders, you have alrady have volume on your basic chart. Since according to the Hershey canon, volume leads price, I am sure you will agree with us that as it is a dependent variable we do not need price at all. That pane also shows the Hypenvelope, an volatility band type study useful for telling if price is getting too uppity (or downity). The Hypenvelope is used solely for guessing exits. Exhausting tests show that unfortunately it calls entries late, but calling exits late is not a problem, since everybody exits that way anyway. In the second pane from the top you can see the Hyposculator, an oscillator-type study, which tells you when to kiss your trade goodbye. Do not be confused, it is not an entry signal, it is only for exits. The value of an oscillator is that it confirms for you what is already perfectly obvious in the price. That is another reason why we suppress price in the Hypiracle suite: like a Gorgon or a stunningly beautiful woman, price is hard to look at comfortably. The third pane from the top is the Hypolatility indicator, a range signal which tells you when the price range supports trading. The fuchsia shading suggests that now would be a good time to surf ET, look for newly posted pornography and/or play with yourself, drink a beer, or take a nap. The crowning touch is in the bottom pane. The Hypautomator removes all worries about entries and exits and relieves you of the intense embarrassment of making poor trades. Green Light? Go long! Red Light? Short! We are astonished ourselves at how often this random entry/exit generator is right. But just in case, don't forget your SCT "washes". We also encourage you in the interest of thoroughness to soak, rinse and dry as well. We are so confident in the efficacy of the Hypiracle Suite that we will cheerfully take the other side of your trades. Just join our chat room at: www.fuckme.com/suckers.htm to participate in our trade calls. From all of us at Hypenterprises to all of you on ET, let me state with the utmost sincerity that we look forward to trading with you tomorrow!