My personal trading has been an abject failure

Discussion in 'Psychology' started by Crispy, Dec 13, 2010.

  1. Crispy


    Its true. When i`m at the trigger I am loose and have zero discipline. I have traded prop, at a small HF and had several tiny accounts. All in all I have lost about 70k of other peoples money and about 30k of my own. About 100k rough guestimate. So I have given up trading all together. It is just not for me. I have accepted that my psychology just does not allow for it. This is something I am okay with. As the wise man once said "doing the same thing over and over again is the definition of insanity". Hey, at least i`m not insane!

    However. Over the last 2 years, right about the time I blew out my last tiny 5k account churning futures intraday something strange happened. All of the screen time and price data I had been absorbing started to click. I would get these breakthroughs from time to time. Usually at nightime, right before bed. Little nuggets of ideas that I would jot down. Before I knew it about 3 months after I threw in the towel I had a system. A real, viable and robust model. And zero capital to trade with.

    I have been lucky enough that thru all the tough times I have a great career that allows me to watch markets and be in contact with some serious players. So during my daily contact with these people the topic of finacial markets would often come up. And since I like to talk I would offer up my opinion (my net loser opinion at that) on what my model thinks markets will do. Most ignored me or placated me. But I did end up hitting it off with someone who liked what I was saying. And more importantly my model was spot on most times he asked me about direction or action. After a couple months of casual banter I asked him if them if they would consider paying for my information on a consulting basis. Not just my verbal relay of what i`m seeing but the entire model less one key metric as my backstop in case they had alterior motives. They agreed.

    Fast forward 8 months and I have not only made back all my personal losses over the last 8 years in consulting fees plus a bunch, but my client is up 1.2mm using the model alone(no it is not buy and hold or just confusing brains in a bull market). I am okay with the numbers because I would have never made any money if we didnt have an arrangement. And as they grow they plan on paying me more.

    Now please believe me when I tell this story. I am not soliciting any more clients, they have exclusivity as part of the contract. My PM message function will be turned off after I post this. I posted this just to display that there are non-traditional paths in all things in life.

    My lack of discipline in trading my own accounts has transformed into extreme discipline as I now have no money on the line. In fact my only personal investments are CD`s and physical gold. I decided that the only way to be completely objective about stocks, indices and ETF`s are to be out of the game 100%. And focus on my numbers for the clients best interest.

    Strange how the mind works.
  2. jinxu


    During this time, did it feel like your mind was racing all the time???
  3. ==============
    Mr chris;
    1st]Good news & [last]somewhat bad news.

    [1st] Good news=VA won its case with Federal ''health care'' unconstitutional,federal judges ruled today...

    Somewhat bad news, William O Neill of Investors Business Daily compared trading to medical school/medical DR practice ,[many year$ of $chool, then comes low pay intern....................................................:cool:

    Merry Christmas Chris-py;
    100, 000 buys somewhat of an education, many spent more.LOL:D Frankly ,I am more of an investor;
    but do some ttrading also.
  4. Strange story indeed. I've always considered psychology as secondary in trading & investing. Your story would tend to prove me wrong...
  5. Crispy


    I have always been sort of ADD. It races all the time to be truthfull. Thats one reason the markets attracted me, the movement specifically. But, yes, when a specific idea to add to the checklist for testing came to me it would be like my brain was on fire and I had to get it on paper.
  6. Crispy


    Whatta clever turtle. Slow and steady, eh? ;-)
  7. jinxu


    okay cool, i had a similar experience. random ideas bouncing around in the head.
  8. Very cool story, thanks for sharing it !!!

    You where wise to realize your strengths and weakness before you went deeper.

    I had similar experiences but I persevered for longer then you and eventually developed the discipline but I have also developed some fail safe circuit breakers to make sure 100% I never have a lapse and do something stupid ever again.!
  9. ==================
    Mr Cris;
    Believe it or not , I used to hate my childhood name ''turtle[which may hint of a speed under 55 mph].LOL.
    That is until I read Jack Schwager / Rich Dennis interview:D There fore i now like my childhood nickname, but it took many years to actually enjoy that nickname..

    Ps I once asked a TN highway patrolman if he would write me a ticket, if i went over 55 mph[limit], he laughed & said something about 5 mph grace[not in a school zone, but on TN highways...
  10. zdreg


    " Before I knew it about 3 months after I threw in the towel I had a system. A real, viable and robust model. And zero capital to trade with."

    unfortunately you didn't. did u keep proper records? did you post it. somewhere.
    #10     Dec 13, 2010