http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=8yrS21q7IZ44NN1QR961 My fellow Americans...My platform is simple: 1) we back up every tanker we have into Iraq and begin pumping as much crude as possible into every ship we have...everyone thought this was a war about oil right? time to prove them right! 2) I will immediately order Captains Sig, Phil and Keith of the Deadliest Catch to forget about 'Alaskan gold" and to bring their ships to Iraq so we can load up on oil 3) I will order immediate air strikes on our French Embassy ( they won't do shit about it , trust me) 4) Gold and Beer shall become the standard currency in the USA...You want a loaf of bread? That will be either 1 gold piece or a six pack of bud light..your choice. 5) The next terror act against the US will result in the immediate dropping of nukes on Mecca...we will give them 48 hours to leave..if they don't? oh well..the victims of 9-11 didn't have 48 hours notice. 6) Brett Farve will be ordered to play for the Detroit lions...that will teach him 7) every trade agreement will be 100% reciprocal in nature...if they restrict...we restrict...if they open up...we open up. 8) I will immediately declare War on Boston....not the whole state of Mass. but only the city...those little bastards think they can win every sporting event??? Ok ...lets see how you handle thermal nuclear war! 9) All the chairmen of the SEC shall be fired and replaced by a panel of five designee form Merril, GS, JPM, Citi and Leh.....why pay the SEC commissioners when we can just have these guys do it for free the outcome will be the same. 10) Gay marriage amongst homosexual males will be immediately outlawed....Gay marriages amongst good looking lesbians however shall not only be legal but will be encouraged trough the use of public ads paid for by tax payers.
Have you considered the possibility of just warning trade partners of the possibility of thermal nuclear war if they don't reciprocate? The UN and WTO may not like it, but how many divisions do they have?
Im a reasonable man and would be willing to just warn some of these trade partners...However, the bombing and attack of Boston is a non negotiable.....especially now that Paul Peirce thinks he is the best basketball player in the world...its time they were put in their place!!!
What about that pesky neighbor to the north? I hear they have some decent beer and hot chicks, not to mention oil. I say we invade them! Make 'em the 58th state.