Since another poster foolishly declined to take advantage of this gracious offer, I thought I would try my luck instead. To be fair, I'm actually a profitable trader (like everyone else on ET, I'm sure), but I'm quite certain that I'm not doing it right. I don't use SCT, and I can't differentiate between cybernetics and cybersex. It seems both are equally good ways of fucking oneself.... It's quite clear (to me) that Dr. Mudgins, and his esteemed associates, is the most intelligent poster on this board. Thus, I do not mind if I will be taught Professor Doaks' ServoTrader, or something completely different. I'm sure I'll learn a lot either way...
I made the foolish mistake of creating this thread before having my morning "wake-me-up". It seems I was suffering from a stream of unconsciousness. Please note the revisions: I'll anxiously await the doctor's orders...
I was hoping this thread would not elicit such foul language. Due to my inflamed hemorrhoids, which is no laughing matter, I would prefer it if nothing of size needs to be extracted from my anus. Please refrain from posting the usual garbage in this thread. I am in desperate need of Dr. Mudgins' therapy; subpar mockery will neither be sufficient nor allowed!
My dear Lornz, it will be my great pleasure to assist you in any way possible to me to help you become a better trader. To invert the Zen saying, "When the Master is ready, the Pupil will appear." In all honesty, I may not be able to help, and you may not be able to improve. That said, permit me to suggest some ground rules. Pour commencer, I prefer to ask you questions which will help me to understand you personally and your trading situation. Never will I intentionally ask you anything which might identify you. This is called in the trade "identifying the presenting complaint." After that, you may feel free to ask me questions under the same groundrules. Caveats: I am not a fantastic trader. I trade every day that my signals deign to appear, but I am not even remotely getting rich from it. Like 99% of ET, I have my absurd hopes. I do not have a gardener, a maid, a pool boy, a butler, a handyman, an IT person, a cook, a washerwoman, or an arborist. I am it. So my responses will depend on getting my chores done first. I am a little snot. I am snippy. If I were a woman you would call be a bitch. Feel free. I am also well edificated and was once an accomplished professional. In short, I am very like Jack but without the delusion of current and past grandeur. I am quite certifiably insane, and as needs be, you will meet the many other inmates on my ward. Of course I am not a shrink. I am an engineer by training and a mismanager by trade. So, to begin, may I ask you to give me as much non-specific background on yourself and your trading as you care to? In the trade, this is called "putting the patient at ease by talking about himself."
A disclaimer. If you have ever been to a mental health professional, you know that eventually you come to the realization "This greedy bastard is just letting me prattle on because he needs the money." Indeed I will let you prattle on. But not for the money. With the fond hope that you will help me more than I help you. The monumentally egocentric belief that millions of drooling fans worldwide will be hanging on my every witticism and shitticism plays no part in my zeal to give you trading therapy.
There is some truth in that. The shrinks want to prescribe the latest wonder pill on short duration and get you to come back for "assessment" to get your refill fix. And make no mistake, some of them ARE addictive. The company sponsored family therapist gives you your allotted seven visits where the-invariably-namby-pamby-recently-divorced-she sides with your wife and makes it clear she thinks you are a dick. If you get admitted, you get your thirty days of thorazine and you're out on your still sick ass. Not that I am bitter. So I do free therapy on anybody stupid enough to accept it. Preferably needy women. I have a soon to be franchised "orgasm therapy" that works great. Wilhelm Reich is one of my heroes.
Lornz, I forgot. You get even less of my time. I am also the ship's purser, the vegetable gardener, the plumber, the electrician, the cat groomer, and the investment advisor. And anything else my working wife wants me to be. Now do you understand why I love Jackie so much? But no offense, my wife is much better looking. Probably because I am not as elderly as he is. And Lornz, if you need any retirement planning, I am also as good at that as I am at trading therapy.
Oh, no, Researcher, it is balls through throat. Tonsils through anus is much too gentle. And emember, there is also a much-praised surgical procedure for drilling your prostate out through your dick.