Mr. Zones swings the blues.

Prologue

Zones. Swing Zones. I get very angry when people laugh at my name. But then I feel much better when I remember that he who laughs last - laughs best.

Mama told me that the very first time she held me in her arms, she looked into my deep hazel eyes and instinctively knew it was my destiny to be famous. Bursting with pride and emotion, she lifted me shoulder high and named me Swing. “Swing Zones, had a nice enigmatic ring about it”, she said.

The odyssey of my unstoppable rise to fame begins right here in this journal. You are about to read my very own claim to fame.

 

For what he does, I pay Laakimbo far too much money. His argument is that motivational gurus don’t come cheap. He also assured me that you can’t put a price on the value of a true friend. Friend – nii, true friend – kor!! Last week I picked up the courage to ask him who else charges a friend the princely sum of two dollars a month for his services. His response was to roll his eyes at me & shake his head wearily. I really came close to giving him one, but who in their right mind punches a weight-lifting champion.

At our ‘Momo Session’ yesterday, Laakimbo confided in me that the secret of his unbridled success was goal setting. “If you fail to plan , then you plan to fail”, he intoned solemnly. “Swing” he continued, “write down your goals, and I promise you that in five years you will be more famous than you ever dreamed of. Just look at me. Who would have imagined that a four foot ten, greasy faced dude like me will ever become Mr Univese. Write down your goals, and Laakimbo will make you famous.

Well, when I got home, there was nothing interesting on telly, so I found myself writing down some goals. I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, but I really enjoyed the exercise. Maybe, just maybe I’m not paying my ‘true friend’ all that money for nothing.

This is still very much work in progress, but I feel so proud of my first pass, that I’m going to share it with you:

1. Be the first person to post his Broker Statements on Elite Trader.
2. Have Martin Bashir (of Michael Jackson fame) do an expose on me.
3. Have 20,001 Elite Traders petition Baron to make me the first and only Honorary Elite Member. Baron willingly consents, but I humbly decline.
4. Have Alan Greenspan consult me before FOMC meetings.
5. Have my face on the front cover of Barrons.
6. Have the Harvard Business School renamed the Swing Zones Business School.
7. Have the Wall Street Journal offer me a weekly column, but I regretfully decline.
8. Have a Doctoral student at MIT title his thesis – ‘Applying Swing Zones to Einstein’s Law of Relativity”.
9. Have the President appoint me the Secretary of State, but I graciously decline.
10. Have a Swing Zones Forum created on Elite Trader.

 

“Nothing, absolutely nothing prepared me for that day …”What do you mean, Mama? What’s wrong ?” I asked as Mama wiped a tear from her eye. She smiled, “but I should have known the Good Lord works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform. I want to tell you a story, Swing.” “Oh, not another one”, I groaned under my breath”.

I don’t think she heard me. If she did, then she chose to ignore me. “Many years ago, a pretty young woman had finished her night shift and was walking home, when she heard a faint sound. It sounded like a baby crying, but ‘surely not’, she thought to herself. The lady kept on walking, but the cries got more and more desperate, so she turned back to investigate. Surely enough, wrapped warmly in a blanket was a tiny baby crying it’s eyes out.”

Mama walked over to me, took my two hands in hers and looked right into my deep hazel eyes. Tears were streaming down her face. With a shaking voice she revealed, “that pretty woman was your Mama”.

 

Brother Mr Zones... I like forward to your journal... you are a True Brother...

 

Boring drivel...............really pathetic stuff Zones !

 

Swing Zones' writing has the eerie ring of a subliminal message, in fact it sounds suspiciously like Mr. Sub himself. Reveal yourself Subman!

 

This is like a David Lynch movie.

 

My world came to a standstill, my mind went blank, and my mouth dry. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. After what must have been an eternity, I put my arms around Mama and squeezed her tightly. “It’s alright Mama. You did the right thing”, I whispered. “Thank you. I wasn’t sure you’d understand. Mama loves you so very much.”

“Good night, Mama.” “Swing, but there’s still more you need to know.” “If you don’t mind, I’m a bit drained right now. Can we continue tomorrow?” She smiled weakly and nodded her head. “Good night, darling. Sweet dreams.”

As I went off to bed, I could only imagine myself dreaming of one thing. REVENGE!

 

This board is really entertaining. New material everyday

-FastTrader

 

12:01 a.m. January 1st, 2003. The church bells woke me, but Sean and Laakimbo were still oblivious to the world. "Boys, get up. Welcome to 2003!" Laakimbo rose immediately, puffing out his 48-inch chest. "Happy New Year, Swing. Happy New Year, Sean". Sean did not move.

We were in the lobby of the Hotel Palladium, where a big New Year's party was taking place. When we arrived at 10:00 p.m., it was already in full swing. Before that we spent three hours at the Sports Bar round the corner. We have been celebrating my promotion and end-of-year bonus. Against my better judgement, I ordered three more bottles of champagne at the hotel. Big mistake.

"How did we get here", Laakimbo enquired. "Taxi”, I grunted. I felt like **** and was in no mood for conversation. "I'm getting a drink, want one?" "Just water, and some Paracetamol if you can manage it." "Anything for you, Swing. Back in a min."

In the blinking of an eye, my headache disappeared, and suddenly all was well with the world again. Three gorgeous senoritas were walking in my direction, and the prettiest one was smiling at me. I sat up straight, and mustered my best smile in return. Wait a minute - she looks familiar, but it’s too difficult to think clearly... "Hello, handsome." "Hey...low", I stammered. "I'm Jane, and these are my friends Alicia and Vicky. What happened to your friends?" I pointed out Sean and Laakimbo to her. Sean had still not moved.

"Please, be gentle with them girls. I'm off to have my wicked way with handsome here", she turned to me, "let's go somewhere a bit quieter." Two questions were plaguing me. Has Christmas come seven days late? Or is this all a dream?

"My name is Zones. Swing Zones", I managed as we walked off towards the lifts. "Hmmm that's an enigmatic name", she smiled at me. Should I tell her I've got a wife called Jenny? Jenny, Jane - coincidence or what?