Moonbat History of the US, 1776 - 2001 (revised edition)

Discussion in 'Politics' started by hapaboy, Aug 16, 2006.

  1. 1776 - The US declares independence from England. George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Patrick Henry immediately begin plans to conquer the world and take over the oil reserves.

    1803 - the United States buys the Louisiana Territory from France. James Madison, the U.S. Secretary of State, pays 15 million dollars for the land, known to be flooded with underground oil reserves. Madison is quoted calling the French “les suckers.”

    1812 – The US engages in war with England in a dispute over the world’s oil reserves.

    1846 – The US and Mexico go to war over Mexican oil reserves.

    1861 – The US civil war begins. Abraham Lincoln skillfully portrays a root cause to be the ending of slavery, when in fact the war is over the Southern states’ wanting more of the percentage of the world’s oil reserves.

    1876 – Alexander Graham Bell patents the telephone for the purpose of aiding the US government in its quest to finding and stealing the world’s oil reserves.

    1879 – Thomas Edison patents incandescent light for the purpose of aiding the US government in its quest to finding and stealing the world’s oil reserves.

    1903 – The Wright Brothers make history with the first powered aircraft flight. These craft were invented for the sole purpose of aiding the US government in its quest to finding and stealing the world’s oil reserves.

    1908 – GE patents the electric toaster for the purpose of aiding the US government in its quest to finding and stealing the world’s oil reserves.

    1914 – WWI begins. The US gets involved only after Germany declares the war is about ending the US’ lusting after the world’s oil reserves.

    1929 – The Great Depression is triggered by a shortage of the world’s oil reserves reaching the US.

    1939 – Hitler invades Poland, igniting WWII. Hitler exterminates millions of Jews, Gypsies, and other ethnic criminals he suspects have aided the US in its plans to steal the world’s oil reserves.

    1948 – The 51st state, Israel, is created to help the US steal the world’s oil reserves.

    1950 – The Korean War begins after the North invades in order to take over the lucrative South kimchee industry. The US relies on one of its greatest generals (and member of the Texaco board of directors), Douglas MacArthur, to repel the Northern attack.

    June 4, 1955 – Saddam’s hatred for the US begins on this day when his Chevy runs out of gas en route to his prom. He takes out his frustration by raping his date.

    1962 – The Cuban Missile Crisis erupts after US reconnaissance planes take incriminating pictures of the Soviets building pipelines near Havana.

    1964 – In the Gulf of Tonkin Incident, American oil engineers are fired upon, giving the US the excuse to begin the Vietnam War and gain access to S.E. Asian oil reserves.

    July 20, 1969 - Commander Neil Armstrong became the first man on the moon. His historic words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" were never spoken. CIA audio specialists changed his original words, “Houston, we have a problem. I don’t see any oil around here.”

    1979 – American oil company executives, posing as diplomats, are taken hostage in Tehran.

    March 30, 1981- President Reagan is shot in the chest by an angry solar-energy advocate.

    1983-A group of Shiite Moslems bomb the U.S. embassy in Beirut after President Reagan publicly acknowledges that the reason the US is there is to gain access to the huge oil reserves known to be at the corner of Arafat & Kaddafi Ave.

    1983-U.S. troops invade the caribbean island of Grenada, NOT for the sake of stability and the protection of hundreds of US citizens attending school there, but in order to gain access to the country’s huge reservoirs of oil known to be hidden in the country’s numerous hollowed-out palm trees.

    1986-Lybia is bombed by U.S. war planes, NOT because of Kaddafi’s involvement in sponsoring and abetting terrorism, but because the US lusts after the country’s huge oil reserves.

    1989-U.S. military troops invade Panama and install a new government in order to gain access to the country’s huge oil reserves the CIA believes are in Manuel Noriega’s septic tanks.

    1989-The Berlin Wall falls. It is not the failure of communism that sparks this event, but rather the
    actions of the CIA, Chevron, and Unical, who lust after the huge oil reserves known to be under the East Berlin sidewalks.

    August 1990- Iraq chases American forces into Kuwait. The US quickly uses the Zionist media to make it seem like Iraq invaded Kuwait. For complete details on this incident, please see

    1992-Russia and the United States end the Cold War. This is so they can independently spend more time lusting and planning how to take over the world’s oil reserves.

    1992-The Rodney King riots occur in L.A. This is the result of racial tensions the US government has fostered, along with flooding South Central L.A. with cocaine, in order to hide its planning to take over the world’s oil reserves.

    1992-The "World Wide Web" started up for home use. ZZZtroll is so ecstatic to have found a new venue to vent his prattle -besides in a trenchcoat down at the playground - that he takes a day off from the Panty Smelling Convention.

    1993- The World Trade Center in New York is bombed by Arab patriots tired of the US government’s lust to take over the world’s oil reserves.

    1993- A 51 day siege in Waco, Texas ends in the death of cult leader David Koresh, who had to be killed as he knew secrets about the US government’s plans to take over the world’s oil reserves.

    1994- O.J. Simpson leads police on a long chase in his white Bronco. This event was infuriating to Zzztroll as it not only wiped out the telecast of the David Hasslehoff singing special, but also diverted attention from the US government’s plans to take over the world’s oil reserves.

    1994- U.S. troops seize the country of Haiti in order to plunder the country’s vast oil reserves hidden in hundreds of goat farms.

    1995- A car bomb destroys the federal building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, killing hundreds. Timothy McVeigh, known throughout San Diego, San Francisco, and Berkeley as an independent journalist and frequent contributor to The Guardian on assignment trying to uncover the US government’s plans to take over the world’s oil reserves, is wrongly imprisoned, tried, and executed. It is commonly known in those cities that the US government bombed the federal building, just as it faked the attack on the Pentagon on 9/11.

    1998- President Bill Clinton is charged with lying to a federal grand jury, and faces possible impeachment proceedings. Ken Starr, known throughout San Diego, San Francisco, and Berkeley to be a top shareholder in The Carlyle Group, one of the most powerful, well-connected, and secretive companies in the world that has established itself as the gatekeeper between private business interests and U.S. defense spending, spearheads the investigation. Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, and Monica Lewinsky are also universally recognized in San Diego, San Francisco, and Berkeley clubs as “The Teutonic Three,” responsible for seducing leading investigators trying to uncover the US government’s plans to take over the world’s oil reserves and then publicizing the incidents. Zzztroll is so distraught he falls off the wagon and further irritates his wife by spinning in circles in their living room whilst muttering "Clinton lied but no one died! Doh!" over and over...

    Sept. 11, 2001 – Arab Muslim males on 4 American airliners are attacked by the racist American passengers. They plead for the fllight attendants to help them, but instead are attacked by the attendants as well. Forced to defend themselves, they manage to kill some of the flight attendants and find safety in the planes’ cockpits. They are again attacked, this time by the pilots, who are angry that the “No Muslims Allowed” sign on the cockpit door was ignored. They desperately try to call for help, but air traffic controllers turn off their signal once it is revealed that they are Muslim. The helpless men then try their best to control the planes, but can only watch in horror as the planes, now remotely controlled by the CIA and Union 76, turn towards New York and Washington, D.C.
  2. You must have gotten this from "The Inconvenient Truth" - the movie where the former vice president of the US shows that the US is the cause of global warming
  3. Mmmm, not quite, but they definitely share the same spirit and dedication to accuracy. :)
  4. TGregg


    While a noble attempt, the left is beyond parody. If you can think up a wild, crazy, nutty concept that shows why the USA is Evil Incarnate and determined to enslave the world, there are many liberals who believe it.

    You'll notice that Iowahawk doesn't get the links, referrals and hits he used to. That's because libtards are mostly beyond his ability to parody.
  5. LOL.

    Hard to top but I just read a letter to the editor in the Washington Times that said the World Trade Center was a legitimate military target and therefore the attack on it wasn't really terrorism. It and other terrorist attacks were our fault because we didn't adequately protect them. You can't make this stuff up.
  6. Of course the WTC was a legitimate target since it was the HQ of the US' plot to steal the world's oil reserves. I understand that the restaurant at the top housed some of the most diabolical and advanced oil-detection equipment ever seen, and the owners guessed it...Halliburton!!