Reading about absurdism helps tremendously. The myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. https://www.philosophytalk.org/blog/camus-and-absurdity @Slartibartfast, you studied gemology? That sounds awesome, how's you get into that? Do you still do it?
I believe in multiple parts of your life need to do things that lead to transcendence or the zone. The zone in a creative sport like surfing or snowboarding is incredible. Its not bad in tennis or golf. I can't even imagine what it might be like in guitar or painting. Obviously, there can be a spiritual side as well. It is difficult to pursue excellence in multiple areas at once... but those who do can be impressive. I am typically happy if I am pursuing transcendence in one area. I think you can achieve a great deal of happiness if you are striving for transcendence in multiple areas and one of those areas helps others..
I’m 74. Get a King James translation of Ecclesiastes. The writer explains your condition and answers your questions.
Haha, all actions of man inherently futile etc? Well we need some motivational delusions but as a Epicurean I'll lean that way.
Reminded to update this. I have had a flu/chest infection for 10 days. My tests came back, T levels fair for age but the question is balancing peace in my head (not chasing tail in my mind so much) with a bit more vim and vigor I am not sure where that lies but the doc is recommending a human growth hormone cocktail. I think an irregular dose will feel more natural. I am pretty sure I have a "biorhythm" cycle when young.. 40 days? so might look at that. I spoke to a guy on it and he said he has no regrets after eight years. Funny with age lowering testosterone you get aggressive, too much you get aggressive just with different triggers. My estrogen levels were fine. Some cardio work to do more often, salt bad bla bla. I will start the cocktail this weekend and see how that goes.
Why, specifically, is your doctor recommending HGH? https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health-you-asked/hgh-human-growth-hormone-anti-aging-miracle
He uses a bio identical type made in Europe, about $600 US a month. He does not care where I get it so nice he is not flogging it himself. Apparently a lot of rich kids here use it now to get an extra few inches in their growth spurts. I had noticed a suspicious number of 5'10" Colombian girls at the private university here. Like a master race compared to their poverty peers. But the levels TBD on my response and also the release mechanism though he recommends a programmable unit.