"You are going to "dollar cost average" into the Enron of women" . I have never heard a more apt description of a situation. . Another good one I heard lately is "Don't date anyone you wouldn't marry". I agree 100%, and I don't. If everyone would do the same we wouldn't have this problem. Every wrong woman needs some love-sick, weak-kneed chump to cheat with. To many men are willing to "take what they can get". Stupid, weak, pw'd immoral morons.
Hitman, You got a lot of good advice from these last posts. I am hoping you really take it to heart and change yourself. Why? Let me tell you this story about a friend of mine that went through the same thing you are going through now. Twenty years ago when I was in college, one of my friends had this strong obesssion with a girl. She was a model going to school for an art degree and he was a business administration major. Like you, he worked very hard and could only think of his model girl and school. She was a party girl with more guys after her than she could handle. Yes, she was a hottie, 5-11 with legs that ran forever and ever. Socially she was very advanced and knew how to get whatever she wanted. My friend that wanted her got to know her by taking the same art history class with her. He sat near her everyday and even did her homework sometimes. Later that year he even got a few dates with her to the shopping mall(to buy her stuff). Still, he felt honored to date her , even if he had to provide her with weekly shopping sprees. At one point he let her drive his BMW during the weekend! I thought they were getting a lot closer and one day I asked him were the two of them going steady. He told me , "yes" and that they were having sex(I should have asked him to define sex) and he trusted her 100%. Things continued the same for the next few months until I saw her driving his BMW with some other guy in there. When I asked him about this he told me that she was dating other guys at the same time and that he didn't have any objection to this. Later that week we were at a party with all of our friends(model girl was out with the BMW again) and the topic of sex comes up. Everybody took the time to tell about the girls they had slept with over the past year and what the girls would do for them. All of this talk seemed to worry my friend and his face showed it. When it came time for him to speak he told about how many times he could make his model girl come and what she liked. When asked what she did for him, he replied, "she doesn't need to do anything for me". The room got really quiet for a minute until somebody said, "yeah, she is so hot I wouldn't need anything either". After the party I asked him why he looked worried when we were all talking. He revealed to me that she really didn't do anything to him before, during, or after he pleased her. Still, he told me that he was pretty sure that only he was having sex with her(well one way sex). Fast forward about 10 years. Over the past years my friend and I drifted apart until I got a job working at the same company as him. Over lunch I asked him how things were etc, etc... Things were pretty much the same for him except that the model girl was married. To my surprise he still kept in touch with her and predicted she would divorce her current husband because he was a punk. I advised him to just move on and that he was running out of time being low 30s. He didn't want to hear it and mentioned that he still wanted to be with her. More time went by... Then last christmas while I was shopping at Toys R Us I see him. The two of us are talking when two young children run up to him and ask "daddy" to buy them something. Later on he told me that he finally had his "model" girl, but including the two children from her previous marriage. He also indicated that things were "rocky" at the moment and hinted that he was having an old friend of ours(now working as a detective) following her. The sad thing is, now that he had his "model" he didn't seem happy about it. As I walked away I mentioned that she was still a "hottie". His response was a sad "huh huh". Hitman, you don't want to end up like this. Spend some time becoming a more balanced person instead of this "hardcore" guy. Maybe you could find a nice woman that works in your industry and shares your love of the market? Before you get there I think you need to develop yourself so that when you meet that person you bring more to the table. Remember, It is not only what you want, but what you bring to the table. Good luck Bob Evans
Hitman wrote: "I know in a way she is hedging her position in that while she says she doesn't have feeling for me right now, she doesn't know what the future will bring. In a strange way, I am actually very happy that she actually looks at me as a potential safety net in case of unexpected emergencies, that makes me feel like I am worth something." Hitman, you seem like a really nice person. There's no one else just like you... never will be. Your "worth" isn't a function of anyone else's feelings about you. I believe that most women want men who will pay attention to them, men who will take the time to listen to them and just hang out together. But nobody wants to be put on a pedestal. It's too much pressure to have to maintain that exalted position. My advice is to do what I did with the woman I eventually married. She was having a hard time deciding whether she wanted to be with me or this other guy that was a royal pain in my ass. One day, when I finally couldn't take it anymore, I told her that it didn't make sense for us to keep things going the way they were. I told her I didn't want to see her anymore, but I also told her to call me if she ever reached a point where she was ready to have a serious relationship with me. It was the hardest thing I could have ever done. I was basically addicted to her. But I knew I had to do something to stop the pain I was feeling. Within less than six months she was practically breaking down my door telling me she wanted to marry me. I blew her off for awhile (I had another girlfriend by then) but eventually decided to give it a chance. We've been happily married now for sixteen years. I can't guarantee that it'll work in your case, but who knows? Maybe something more beautiful then you could ever imagine will happen to you.
Absorb yourself in your trading, become emotionally detached and spend 100% of your efforts making it as a top trader... let fate handle your future meetings with the Princess and let hard work dictate your trading career...
Some good advice and interesting stories there guys. Will the Hitman listen? Probably not. I imagine people have been telling him the same stuff and more for a good couple years now at least. I would guess he's got an "immune system" built up toward good advice by now. He's only going to hear what he wants to hear. Matter of fact, I don't believe he actually understands what he's written himself. He stated: "I know in a way she is hedging her position in that while she says she doesn't have feeling for me right now, she doesn't know what the future will bring. In a strange way, I am actually very happy that she actually looks at me as a potential safety net in case of unexpected emergencies, that makes me feel like I am worth something." See, he "knows" he's the "safety net." Now the kicker is that he thinks that it makes him "worth something." What a joke. All that means, is that he gets to be her mild amusement when her current boyfriend(s) are busy. Now don't get me wrong, Hitman seems like a nice guy and all, delusional at this point in regards to the "princess" though, but will our advice help? Seriously doubt it. He'll keep chasing after the princess until he realizes that there are more princesses in the lands. However, that realization will only come if another woman starts taking a serious interest in the Hitman and shows him how much he's really worth and makes him realize what a fool he is for wasting all his time on the princess. Until that other woman comes along though, he'll be stuck as the "safety net."
Hitman: You never know when Mrs. right is going to walk into your life. But I guarantee you that you will miss her if you keep waiting to be someone's consolation prize. And if you ever get the princes, you will always know deep inside that you are her consolation prize. You are setting yourself up for disaster. "I sworn to her that I will not give up until she is married, that no matter how many relationships she goes through, I will be waiting in the very end." I hope you wake up one day and scream from the top of your lungs "I deserve better!" I am no love doctor. I just wish you the blessing of a two-way unconditional love in your marriage and with your kids one day. One more suggestion and take it for what it's worth to you. Ya gotta live life at your age. You will have your entire life to work. But you will never be 22 again. At the end, all you have left is the memories, so you go a head and create the memories we old farts would give anything to go back in time and create all over again ;-) Tony
This was originally part of the other post, but I wasn't sure if to include it or not, so I originally deleted it. If you love someone so much and trust her with all your heart, and for whatever reason you feel your relationship is slipping away ... boom! You are now blesses with a painful obsession. There is a fine line between genius and loco. There is a fine line between a healthy trusting relationship and a co-dependant obsessive relationship. The paradox: As children, we are taught that: 1. One should always fight to get what he wants. 2. In the end, everyone gets exactly what he believes he deserves. Put these two phrases together and you get fight for what you believe you deserve. Unfortunately, no one teaches us the point at which we need to stop fighting - the point in which the end doesn't justify the fighting anymore. We have to learn it on our own. Love is the greatest strength ~ why is that? I'd tell you why. When my LAX bound flight from Japan was diverted to Honolulu on 9/11 no one told us why we couldn't land on the mainland. My first thought, which stayed with me throughout the following six hours, was that the entire West Coast was under water. The reason was that the faces of the flight-attendants were broadcasting HORROR. By looking at their faces, we knew something horrible happened, and since we could not land anywhere on the West Coast, there was only one logical reason and that was a major earthquake from Seattle to Mexico. fast-forward 24 hours and I was sitting on the bed in a room that was under-construction in a hotel that was a hard-hat area (was lucky to get a room) watching the Television set in disbelief. I don't know if it was the fact that I have not slept in more than 48 hours or that I haven't seen my family in more than two weeks that brought such horrible thoughts to my head. But I couldn't stop thinking of what if I lost them that day. I finally broke down in tears and let it all out. And as these crazy thoughts were running in my head, I knew that I was the luckiest man alive. I realized something really incredible that day. I have been blessed to experience the greatest love for both my wife and my child. And I don't know how to say it, but I felt that if I lost them that I still was the luckiest man alive to have spent all the priceless moments with the two of them. As horrifying as these thoughts were the conclusion was somewhat comforting. This helped me understand the victims who called their loved ones to say goodbye as they were facing death. Now let's rewind to the day I met the woman of my dreams. I was 18 and she represented everything I wanted to be. I couldn't believe I was so lucky to have her. When I first saw her, I knew I had to have her. I asked my best friend who was standing next to me what he thought I should do, and all he said was "she is not the right one for you." What does he know, right? I went to speak to her and swept her off her feet. Our relationship was based on friendship and lust, but was also comforting in the sense that we knew we had each other forever, and everyone knew that we will get married one day. It was great. 33 months go by, and she goes home (East Coast) for a few weeks following her graduation. When she returned, she was a completely different person. She did a complete 180 on me. Oh man was I miserable. Now let's read the beginning of my post again "If you love someone so much and trust her with all your heart, and for whatever reason you feel your relationship is slipping away ... boom! You are now blesses with a painful obsession." And painful it was. In hindsight, I refused to accept the growing-up changes she was going through. I wanted back the woman I loved. And that's what I was fighting for. We broke up but still saw each other on and off for the next two years. And then I finally said enough is enough we cannot waste time like this and cut it off for good. I did so because I realized the opportunity cost in being in a relationship like that was too high. Nine months later I met the true woman of my dreams - the one I later married and had a child with. note: It turns out that my best friend was right. He told me straight out that the other girl was not the right one for me before I even said one word to her. I shoulda listened to him, lol. conclusion: There are some priceless gems of wisdom on this thread all you got to do is pick'em up. We all feel the pain in your writing. This is not cool. No one should go through such pain and come back for more...
I too was in a situation where my love of my life was involved with another man.This went on for several years.It made me miserable to know their was someone else but I endured the pain.Everything centered around her.I wouldn't make plans for the weekend because I was waiting by the phone hoping she would call .Even though she told me she had plans.I finally took the advice of friends and family.LET HER GO......I bought a relationship book to read ....someone recommended....and bought some flowers and went to her house and with all my strenght told her I will not be seeing her anymore.I told her all the reasons why I had to let her go.I drove home and spent the entire weekend in my room with this book.The pain I felt was enormous....you definitely feel like you are going thru mourning.You remember all the good times and relive the dreams you had about the future with her but as each hour and page went by, I was getting stronger and the pain was subsiding.By the time monday morning came I was about 80 percent thru the emotional pain of this.But as each day and weekend went by(I tried to keep busy on the weekends)...I was conquering my obsession with her.Fast Forward 3-4 months later. She calls me......she wants to see me.I told her no way unless their is no one else in the picture. She agrees. It took another month or two for her to finally get the other guy out of her life.She needed to do the same thing I did ....LET GO .....EXPERIENCE THE PAIN....AND MOVE ON.Guess what? another 5 months we get engage and 6 months later we get married.I'm the luckiest guy in the world......2 BEAUTIFUL KIDS AND A SOUL-MATE .None of this would have happened if I didn't let go.....as painful as it was it had to be done.And the end result was, I did marry the women of my dreams. GOODLUCK HITMAN
not that i would necessarily subscribe to it, there are some really thought provoking theories re this: http://tuxedo.org/~esr/writings/promiscuity.html (in essence, what it says is that the sexual behaviour of human beings has roots in what have been successful mating strategies for our ancestors.) - jaan