Bad news, my costco card got declined, i forgot i maxed it out buying oil drums to make sure we had enough supply going forward in case it was peak oil. Not to worry though men, I have been to pound land, it was mobbed with ex floor traders, but I managed to fight my way past the bic razors and have stocked up on Hi Karate and Brut. They may smell us coming but that will give them fair warning before we strike at the very heart of their complex financial system. Gps co-ordinates will be uploaded forthwith, get those night vision goggles ready.
Declined? Stll - credit crunch eh Bondage? Never mind - I love Hai Karate. The guv and I once drank 8 bottles each of the stuff before we burnt down the local whorehouse (no whores inside) in Fanny Me Won province back in the seventies. We'd ironed out all the rotters the previous evening by the way. Bloody marvellous. Double Hard Bastards.
Phew!! Just back from a whistle-stop tour of the US of A(America) helping my new buddy(friend) Barton Obarmy finish off his election campaign in the race to become tra-la-la-la-la-America's (America's) first black (mocha) President (Prime Minister) and beat frozen chip supremo and really old person Jim McCain to the hot seat. Spent a lot of time Westside (Californ I A ((California)) ) persuading some fellow brothers (espressos through to lattes) to vote for Bart (short for Barton NOT as in Bart Simpson. Although they do have a splendid new Simpson's ride at Universal which is strictly for double hard bastards.) The booty (fanny,crumpet) factor is totally awesome (off the fucking richter) in LA with loads of hot chicks (fit birds) commenting on my chiselled hard-bastard torso and remarking how cute my Australian accent was (the last bit left me confused and a couple of chicks got caught in some chinning crossfire until I realised they were somewhat dim in the accent/geography department) Great climate (not snowing or bollock freezing) and loads of time to work-out (do three thousand one-fingered press-ups), hang out (get pissed) and just really chill dude (fuck knows) whilst helping Burt secure his way to the soon-to-be-renamed White House. So back to work - must catch up with Bundus and Willy to put the finishing touches to the top secret mission to Iceland. So well done Barty. Ugh. It's all good mofo. Straight Outta Compton and all that. "It was all a dream - I used to read word-up magazine..." etc etc (A congratulatory message followed by some 90's rap speak) Have a nice day (fuck off) Hard men at work and play. Bloody Marvellous.