John Kass Chicago Tribune June 8, 2006 U.S. Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-Camelot) made an astonishing announcement when he left rehab the other day, weeks after he almost ran down a police officer before crashing his car into a Capitol barrier. Kennedy said he doesn't want police to treat him like a Kennedy. Instead, he wants the cops to treat him like a poor black person from the downtrodden Anacostia neighborhood in southeastern Washington. Back on May 4, about 2:45 a.m., Congressman Clout abruptly stopped his car by ramming it into the barrier. Police cruelly refused to give him a Breathalyzer test, even though he reportedly wobbled on his feet and said he was in the area at that hour to cast an important vote. Instead of forcing him to blow, they meted out a brand of tough street justice and drove him home, just like they probably do for all other black people who crash their cars into the Capitol after almost running down a cop. Outside the Mayo Clinic the other day, voice trembling, Kennedy insisted that he didn't ask for preferential treatment. He said he's prepared to endure "bookings, in terms of mug shots, fingerprints, whatever they might have me do." "It's what anyone else would have done to them if they were an African-American in Anacostia," Kennedy said. So now he wants to be treated just like a client of his family's gargantuan social programs, which have helped perpetuate inner city poverty? Come to think of it, that's not a bad idea. As you may have noticed, I'm not black, but it sure might be nice to be treated like a Kennedy for a week, what with your family saga becoming an Arthurian romance set to music, not to mention all the free Frank Sinatra CDs. But I'm not poking fun at Patrick Kennedy's alcoholism and/or drug abuse. Kennedy insisted he accidentally took the wrong pill at the wrong time--no matter what that cocktail waitress said--but that's his story. It's not the booze. It's the old rich-white-Democratic-liberal-wanting-to -be-a-black-man thing that gets me. If he really needs help, he could turn to his father, U.S. Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Chappaquiddick), who may have wished that he, too, were treated like a poor black man. Except, of course, for that night Ted went for a midnight swim out of his car and forgot Mary Jo Kopechne was drowning in the passenger seat. Unfortunately, I have found no record of Ted Kennedy ever publicly expressing the desire to become black and in this, the son may be more progressive than the father. Still, it might be too progressive for some. "What does Kennedy want?" said a guy at work (who just happens to be black). Oh, he wants to be treated just like a poor black person by police, I said. "You mean he wants to get slapped around and kicked in the butt?" the guy said. Kennedy isn't the first rich white liberal to want to be black. Two years ago, I wrote that U.S. Sen. John Kerry (D-Ketchup) also wanted to be a black man. He hoped to become our second black president, the first being, as everybody knows, Bill Clinton. "President Clinton was often known as the first black president," Kerry told the Urban Radio Network back in March 2004. "I wouldn't be upset if I could earn the right to be the second." Either way, I probably shouldn't write about this, as I'm neither a rich white liberal Democrat nor a black man. Still, such topics make editors squirm, which is nice. And besides, as an American of Greek descent, I was just happy if I could grow up to be a white guy, at least in Chicago. Legend has it that before we moved to Oak Lawn with the fleeing white people, Greeks were declared white by emergency royal decree of the late Mayor Richard J. Daley, once he learned that Aristotle Onassis had married Jacqueline Kennedy. Since I don't have the "street cred" for this type of thing, I asked one man who does. Wallace "Gator" Bradley, the former felon (since pardoned) and former muscle guy for the Disciples street gang. Gator has since gone into politics, and he remains a friend of imprisoned Disciple kingpin Larry Hoover. "Kennedy wants to be treated like a black man by the police?" Gator asked me. Yes. "You're crazy," Gator said. Maybe, but that's what he said. "If he wanted to be treated like a black man, since he smashed up the Capitol, he should be prosecuted by a federal prosecutor. How you think he'd like that?" Not very much. "If a black man smashes up the Capitol, he's treated like a terrorist, and the feds would be all over him. But they didn't even give Kennedy a Breathalyzer. So he didn't get treated like a black man. He got treated like a Kennedy, dig?" Word up. "And there was Ted Kennedy and the woman drowned and he took off. A black man would still be in prison. Instead, he's a senator. How does that work?" I can't say. I guess we'll just have to ask U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney. ---------- jskass@tribune.com Copyright © 2006, Chicago Tribune
"President Clinton was often known as the first black president," Kerry told the Urban Radio Network back in March 2004. "I wouldn't be upset if I could earn the right to be the second." I can't believe he really said that. Dumbass blacks probably buy it.