@ ~18k (+80%) Since Jun I've cut back all size to one contract. When I day trade full time, I will most likely size up. That will be a few years from now most likely. I will have a much larger account size then (I imagine at least 50k), as I'm working full time right now. At the moment I have ~40k liq worth. I've focused on what my edges are. I don't really want to discuss those, as the one's I've focused on are not in public domain (completely) to my knowledge. I've been trading ES (long), NG (long) and put positions on the EUR (long) and ZR (long) last night. I exited my ES position (I was long since the gap Sunday) for ~900 (what a shame right?) For two reasons: Having multiple correlated positions is not in my plan (lost big on GCL & ES before and I'm already long EUR), and too many people are bullish equities, and the minority aren't. Small guys like me especially must stress capital preservation. This has been my downfall every single time. I am not using stops. I have mental stops set at certain levels and check my trades 1/a day. Any more than that is unecessary for right now. My entries are pretty simple. I basically use price direction. The way I see it, this is all about exits.
Around ~21k (+110%) this morning. I went through my monthly statement for November. I'm quite a bit happier with the way things turned out. My commissions totaled ($122.61). My broker can't even pay his utility bills with that . I'll post the trade breakdown when I get home and can combine the spreadsheet I created this morning with the one I posted before. I've adapted more of a long term approach (at least for now). I've still got three positions on, and I check quotes during the day, but since I'm doing this for the freedom I realize my methods before were out of wack. I'm lucky and not even sure what made me step back finally and realize how this should be done (refering to myself in my current circumstances). Trading even just 5 lots on the ES for me (for now, I think I'll shed this eventually, but I'd have to have enough money not to care so much) during the day would keep me up at night. I've read many times if you can't sleep at night when you trade you should probably size it down, I still traded like that for a long time... I realized that there is absolutely no need to stare at a monitor for a day. After one enters a trade, they only need to set a stop and walk away. Whether the position is a winner or not is not in their control. One can do well no matter the style, as long as they have the proper technique. No stops and no profit targets on open positions. Just mental areas to where if the price should fall I'll be out.
Me: How'd you manage do lose that much money you f***ing retard? Myself: I really liked to hold onto losing trades, and for some reason I'd take profits as soon as I saw them. Me: Well, let's see, you haven't made any money yet, and you are a loser. It sounds like something you should keep pursuing, so you can keep losing all your money. Myself: That's where you're wrong. If I did the opposite of what I've done every time before, I'd be up ~24k right, douche bag? Me: Yea if you are smart enough too. Most people would say you're insane. You did the same thing multiple times and expected different results, what's to stop you from doing it again, smartass? Myself: Self-mastery, or discipline to the laymen (yourself). F*** off.
Still hanging onto 2 x long NGF12 @ around 3.55. I recently closed out trades on the 6E and ZR for chump change, ~$800. I was hoping to be able to hold onto them, however, to trade ES I must exit 6E, and I don't have enough margin to hold onto ZR at the same time. I believe we'll see a price explosion in NG, the trouble is of course always the when. The smart players have been accumulating NG for a long time. I must dump the trade if it goes too much more against me though. Perhaps I held onto NG longer than I should have but... for the past few years, it has seldom been below 4 dollars for long. I went short the ES last night. Dumb money is more bullish on indicies/equities than I've ever seen before.
Picked up my laptop and told myself... once a self-master, then you will master all else. Nice gap down on NG.... out for -$6,776.24. Alleviating the pain through distractions/focusing on the positive. Account @ ~12k Going back to trading one contract on one market again till I can get back to 20k (for the 8th time?). I revised some rules in my plan & continue to review it and both my journals once or more a week. I notice this is it. This is the type of thing I've done every single god damn time. It's purely psychological. I, myself, kept myself in the trade. I, myself, lost myself the the money I made. No one else is responsible. I have not enough psychological strength apparently to pull the trigger when I need to, and I'm not sure why (other than the aforementioned reason). For now I'll say it's the money. I guess it's getting better, as I've been trading for 6 consecutive months now and I have a tiny profit (20%) still. It's very easy to see myself further down the line perhaps when I'm more wise, eventually eliminating this one problem. It's so close I can taste it. The price broke where I said I'd be out and I still held, due to a false belief. Most of the time it's not an issue. If I were already a millionaire I don't think I'd have such a hard time with this. Well, there's (almost) always next time. The only thing I can do is pick myself up again. It's funny how simple this is and just how hard we make it on ourselves.
An elderly man came by my office last week. Somehow, we started talking about commodities. Of course I mentioned I am a trader. As we continued to talk, he eventually stated, "You know, it's so rare to find another person with color that when you find one, it's really awesome. So many people are one-dimensional... it's not their fault... so you can't look down on them."
So, re-bought 2 x NG last night. I set a stop so close I was pretty sure it would get triggered. The purpose of the trade was to reinforce the important part of trading and to continue to try to strip myself of my previously stated issue completely. I've done this before, but I guess I need to do it again. I'll post the losses when I get home. I rolled my ES short from Z to H.