OK so this guy from Iceland walks in and says, "Yabala babala pim!" He needs 500,000 kilowatts of power in the middle of nowhere. Oh, never mind. Been watching too much CNBC
Two strangers are sitting in adjacent seats in airplane. One says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The other, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off her glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?" The guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about Nuclear Power?" She says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?" The guy says, "I don't know." "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know shit?"
Don't worry, you aren't going crazy until you actually get into the Open Show and want to see what they do next... I'm a gonner.
McDonald's, at the time, was keeping its coffee some 30-40 degrees hotter than other restaurants so that it would keep longer. Because of the high temperature, coffee burns had a tendency to be much more severe. Literally hundreds of customers had been burned badly and the company refused to lower the coffee temp until it was sued and ordered to reduce its coffee temp by the courts. They still didn't lower the temp. Also, Stella had initially approached McD's for reimbursement for medical expenses only. The chain refused, thus the lawsuit. The exorbitant award was really designed to punish McDonald's for behaving in an irresponsible manner by ignoring repeated customer injuries as well as a court order to reduce the temperature of its coffee. The award, which was over $2 million, if I recall correctly, was set because it was the amount of profit that McDonald's earns on its coffee sales. (I don't remember if it was a week's worth of coffee sales or months worth, something like that.) Not saying this justifies the award (or any of those other ridiculous awards), but knowing McD's was already court-ordered to reduce the temperature even prior to Stella's lawsuit makes the case much more compelling, don't you think?
Even then you're not crazy. Crazy is when you start thinking, "Man, I really hope that Ameritrade guy starts singing that Loverboy song again."
Ok, since those last two posts were off-topic, I'll make it up with a joke (hopefully I didn't post this one already) A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected a quart of milk, a carton of eggs, juice, and a package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyer belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her, watched as she placed her items in front of the cashier. He said, "You must be single." The woman, a bit startled, looked at her four items on the belt, and seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections said, "Well, y'know, that's right. But how in earth did you know that? The drunk said, "Cause you're uglier'n shit."
HOW BLONDE WAS SHE?? > > > She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... > She thought a quarterback was a refund. > She thought General Motors was in the Army. > She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. > She thought Boyz II Men was a day-care center. > At the bottom of an application where it says > "sign here," she wrote "Sagittarius." > > > She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... > She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. > She sent a fax with a stamp on it. > She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools. > She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. > Under "education" on her job application, she > put "Hooked on Phonics". > > She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... > She tripped over a cordless phone. > She spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice > can because it said "Concentrate." > She told someone to meet her at the corner of > "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." > She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. > She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. > > She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... > She studied for a blood test. > She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train." > She sold the car for gas money. > When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. > When she went to the airport and saw a sign that > said, "Airport Left," She turned around and went home. > > > She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde... > When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around > the home, she moved. > She thought Taco Bell was Mexico's phone company. > She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless. > She thought she could only use her AM radio in the morning. > She bought a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for > "This Goes In Front" >
A blond was walking by the travel agent and saw a sign that said Cruise for $29. She walked in and plunked her money on the table. The agent grabbed her, tied her to an inner tube and threw her into the river out back. Another blond walked in a few minutes later, plunked down her money and she too was grabbed, tied to an inner tube and thrown into the river out back. The current was swift, so she caught up with the first blond and they both floated together for a while. She asked..."do they serve drinks on this cruise?" The first blond said.... "they didn't last time."