Judge, A, B, Secretary Judge: OK. Now who is right? A: I'm right, B is wrong. B: I'm right , A is wrong. Judge: OK. Let me talk to A alone first. Secretary leads B to stay outside. A: ... ... ... Judge: (After a while) I'd think you're right. You have all the reasons and evidences. Now I understand the situation. I'd think B is wrong. After talking to B alone, we'll settle the case. Secretary leads A to stay outside, and asks B to come in. B: ... ... ... Judge: (After a while) I'd think you're right. Actually you have many more better reasons and evidences. I'd think A is wrong. Give me 20 minutes, we all will settle the case. Secretary leads B to stay outside. Judge: Secretary, do you have any opinions after hearing both of them? Secretary: Judge, I don't know. So which one you really think is right, which wrong? Judge: (After a while) I'd think you're right.
Blonde jokes from a blonde friend: KNITTING: A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,"PULLOVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff,"I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" THE VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science &Nature." Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" FINAL EXAM The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, bu t I'm re checking my answers." THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde". She pinned the note inside the > little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money.I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another blonde." DS
I was at a Luncheon with former Notre Dame coach Lou Holtz who told this little tale: " A cop pulled me over the other night as I was driving home from dinner with my wife' The cop said, "did you know you were speeding". I replied; "Officer I was definitely NOT speeding" The Cop said " I clocked you at 10 mph over the speed limit" So I replied, " that can;t be I was not speeding" The cop got angry and said " You were too Speeding" I again replied " I was Not" Flustered, the cop looks in at my wife and says " is he always this stubborn and difficult?" With that my wife replied : " only when he's been drinking!"
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. Just about closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his car. Then, he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of zero point zero. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be, whereupon, the driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
Trading doesnât look anything like it did ten or fifteen years ago, and neither do the words we traders use. With that in mind, hereâs a lighthearted attempt to update trading lingo: Aggregator: An application designed to feature the widest variety of obscure ECN trade instructions no one knows how to use. Best Efforts: Trading instructions used to warn a broker, âIâm going to yell at you no matter what you do.â Bid Price: Price at which someone besides me can sell no more than 100 shares. (see also âoffer price.â) Buddy: Generic name for a client used by salesperson who never bothered to learn the clientâs real name. (See also âpartner,â chief,â âboss,â âpal,â âcompadre.â) Buyside Trader: Person warming a chair for algorithmic software program. Commission: The only cost of trading. And, since costs fall over time in a competitive industry, the fact that institutions consistently pay brokers a nickel a share is by definition anti-competitive. (This definition brought to you by the United States Congress.) Direct Access: Besides DOT, the quickest way to get plugged on a listed order. ECN: An electronic trading marketplace that, when used in conjunction with a market maker, allows a trader to compete against himself. Fill or Kill: the two alternatives a trader considers before giving an order to a broker. Fragmentation: The disjointedness in US markets encouraged since Reg ATS. Fragmentation guarantees competition among markets and liquidity providers because, you know, Wall Street was such a kind, gentle, non-competitive place before it. âIâll Take Care of Youâ: Thought by salespeople to inspire confidence, this is a statement that causes clients to reflexively check to make sure their wallets havenât been stolen. In Touch With: A term used to describe a buyer or seller who will disappear when presented with the other side of a trade. Limit Order: In a penny spread environment, an order designed so that it will not fill until its originator is guaranteed to look stupid as a result of the fill. Not Held: Trade instructions equivalent to ânot my fault.â Pennying: A purely mythical notion that certain traders will bid one penny above an out-loud bid or offer one penny below an out-loud offer for the sole purpose of using the existing bid or offer as protection. Much like the Loch Ness Monster, the existence of this practice is mere rumor among traders. One self-regulating organization after another has repudiated it. Sales Trader: (Disclaimer: This description has been prepared by a non-sales trader. It has been constructed from information thought reliable at the time of its writing, but the writer does not represent that the description is either complete or accurate. If you are not the intended recipient of this description, please pretend you never read it.) Sell-Side Research (since 2002): 1)Information provided as a public service by brokerage firms, never as an attempt to solicit business; 2) A class-action lawsuit waiting to happen. SuperMontage: Recent attempt by NASDAQ to maintain its position as a secondary liquidity source for NASDAQ-listed stocks. Take a Verbal: To take reports over the phone while transcribing more than the average 13th-century monk. VWAP: Trade benchmark; acronym for âVile, Wimpy, Anomalous, Passableâ
First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needin'". After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl. Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender. Two lovely hips to increase his desire, And rounded and firm to bring out the fire. Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud. Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you. Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder. 'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. Then he added a mouth - and ruined the whole fuckin' thing.