Repeating this one....I know I had it in another thread somewhere. But this seems like an appropriate venue: Einstein is waiting on line to get into heaven. Realizing it's a long line and can take a while, he decides to engage his fellow recently deceased companions in conversation. Asks the guy next to him what his IQ is. Guy says 110. Einstein says, "cool, we can talk about women and sports". Asks the guy in front of him what his IQ is. Guy says 140. Einstein says, "cool, we can play chess and discuss physics". Asks the guy behind him what his IQ is. Guy says 80. Einstein says, "cool, how's the market doing?" Peace, rs7
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That's what I want to know. Condi: That's what I'm telling you. George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China? Condi: Yes. George: I mean the fellow's name. Condi: Hu. George: The guy in China. Condi: Hu. George: The new leader of China. Condi: Hu. George: The Chinaman! Condi: Hu is leading China. George: Now whaddya' asking me for? Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China. George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China? Condi: That's the man's name. George: That's who's name? Condi: Yes. George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East. Condi: That's correct. George: Then who is in China? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir is in China? Condi: No, sir. George: Then who is? Condi: Yes, sir. George: Yassir? Condi: No, sir. George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone. Condi: Kofi? George: No, thanks. Condi: You want Kofi? George: No. Condi: You don't want Kofi. George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N. Condi: Yes, sir. George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi? George: Milk! Will you please make the call? Condi: And call who? George: Who is the guy at the U.N? Condi: Hu is the guy in China. George: Will you stay out of China?! Condi: Yes, sir. George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N. Condi: Kofi. George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.) Condi: Rice, here. George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
www.qnet.com/~pontius//smile/smilelmp_1[1].htm don't forget to manually type in the last part of the url into the box....it somehow won't go in automatically
there's three guys are on lin to get in heaven...St peter says to the first one: "what brought you here?"...the first guy said, well I thought my wife was having an affair so i came home early to catch her..I burst through the door and checked everywhere but i couldn't find the bastard...finally, I look outside and he's out their hanging off the fire escape...So i started beating on his fingers until he fell four stories down to the bottom...he hit some bushes and was rolling around still alive, so in my fury, i pushed the refrigerator out the window and it fell four floors onto the bastard and killed him instantly.....but in all the excitement , I had a heart attack and dropped dead.....St. Peter was visibly shaken and moved on to the second one in line.."My son, what brought you here"?..the second guy says, well there i was on my 5th floor balcony doing exercise like i do every morning when i lost my balance , flipped over the edge and grabbed onto the fire escape on the 4th floor..i was hanging there for about 30 seconds when some maniac comes and starts punching and biting my fingers...I couldn't hold on any longer and fell 4 floors into some bushes....both my legs were broken but i was alive!!!...but then this asshole gets a refrigerator and pushes it 4 stories down onto my head killing me instantly...St. Peter can barely breath as he approaches the next man in line and says, "my son , what brought you here?" ..the third guy in line says " Your never going to belive this , but there i was naked inside of a refrigerator......
10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? --------------------------------------------------- 9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money. ----------------------------------------------------- 8) He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded. ---------------------------------------------------- 7) He said... 'Two inches more, and I would be king' She said...'Two inches less, and you'd be queen' ---------------------------------------------------- 6) On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." Written just below it: "I do not." ---------------------------------------------------- 5) He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. " ----------------------------------------------------- 4) Priest... 'I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband.' She said...'Who's gonna look?' ----------------------------------------------------- 3) He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror. ---------------------------------------------------- 2) He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. ---------------------------------------------------- and the number 1 "He said...She said".. 1) He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there
Husband's note on the fridge to his wife: Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal. I didn't know you liked beer.