A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run for the bridge. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze lawyers?"
This one may have made the rounds before. The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the US. These are the newest medications for women, available only by prescription D A M I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. ST. M O M ' S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. D U M E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of heavy metal and rap music. F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?" B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength B U Y-O N E-A L When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. S E X C E D R I N More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome. R A G A M E T When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself Bsulli
ROFL - He's funny, but why do guys always have to scratch their bums (and other bits...)? best Natalie:eek:
GirlPower, The answer to that question has puzzled women since Eve first asked it in the garden! Have a great weekend all and parents with kids that love them, give them an extra hug, the reward is well worth the effort. Bsulli
If you have a donkey, and I have a rooster, and your donkey bites the two feet off my rooster.....What do you have? Two feet of my cock in your ass.