A phone company needed to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two rednecks from Mississippi and a team of two guys from Minnesota. So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job." Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Minnesota guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve. Forty-five minutes later, Bubba and Darrel, the redneck guys from Mississippi, came back and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" Bubba, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed, "Darrel and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Minnesota guys put in twelve!" "Yeah," said Bubba, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out of the ground!"
> 22 Best One Liners from Rodney Dangerfiels > *************************************** > > 1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to > play with. > > 2.. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." > I went over. Nobody was home. > > 3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other > night she called me from a hotel. > > 4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said > to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came > home early." > > 5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a > button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm > afraid to go to the bathroom. > > 6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sand box, the cat kept > covering me up. > > 7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. > > 8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that > she only liked me as a friend. > > 9. I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with > his wallet. > > 10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my > father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through." > > 11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born. > > 12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my > finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. > > 13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find > my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I > don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide." > > 14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. > > 15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd > get. > > 16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look > in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I > don't know but your eyesight is perfect." > > 17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. > My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. > > 18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in > the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. > > 19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a > pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper > four times - three of those times I was reading it. > > 20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control. > > 21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the > electric chair. > > And lastly: I'm so ugly, when I was born the doctor slapped my mother!
thanks ERROR, that's like two months worth of material for me - now I can't use any of it - jerk. rlb
Check out "Endless Love" duet by "Dubya" and Blair: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/multimedia/bushblair_endlesslove.mov More like it at: http://www.atmo.se/?pageID=4&articleID=389 DS
Life is not like a bowl of chocolates. It is like a jar of jalepeno peppers. Things you do today, can burn your ass tomorrow!